What If
by McJinx64
Summary: What if Meredith Webber had chosen another life for herself...or another person? What if she'd been raised differently or actually had a good father? What if her mother had never been sick? What if...  This fanfic continues after episode 13  Season 8 ...
1. Chapter 1

_The baby you have, is the baby you were destined to have. It was meant to be…that's what all the adoption people tell you. Anyway, I like to think it's true but everything else in the world seems so completely random. What if one little thing I said or did could it all have made fall apart? What if I had chosen another life for myself…or another person? We might have never found each other. What if I had been raised differently? What if my mother had never been sick? What if I'd actually had a good father? What if…What if…WHAT IF?_

_Quote by Meredith Webber _

**What If**

_Meredith's pov_

The Emerald City Bar was filled with loud music and just not busy enough to be annoying but for me, I had reached a point where I was holding on tight to the thought that _it couldn't get any worse_. I sighed when I realized, I'd thought it a little too soon because approaching me was my arch-nemesis at Seattle Grace Hospital; Cristina Yang.

'Joe? Since she helped me save a life, I wanna buy Meredith Webber a drink…tequila please?" She said firmly.

My mouth dropped open and I almost gasped at the feeling but Cristina sat down on the empty bar stool next to me and started chatting as if we'd been best friends forever.

…

'OK…now what I'll do?' I asked nervously as Cristina poured a small amount of salt on my hand.

'Lick it…slam it and then, come on…,' Cristina quickly grabbed a lime slice and dropped it in front of me on the counter.

I swallowed once before licking the salt from my hand and then downing the tequila shot in one gulp, quickly grabbing and sucking the lime slice afterwards. The tequila burned my throat but it actually didn't taste half as bad compared to other alcoholic drinks.

'OK…that's good,' I casually announced to my new best friend.

Cristina smiled affably.

'What?'

'We don't have to do the thing where I say something and then you say something and then somebody cries and there's a moment or whatever…,'Cristina said.

'Oh yuck," I grimaced.

'Good.' Cristina said as she downed another tequila shot.

I sighed. 'It's just that…nothing is turning out I thought it would. It is as if I don't even recognize my own life.'

'I know what you mean,' Christina said softly to my surprise.

I frowned slightly. _Was this the tough chick that rode motorcycles and was about to becaome a hard-core heart surgeon_? I immediately liked her even more.

_Some things are gonna work out as if they were destined to happen._

'I have to go,' Cristina mumbled incoherently, '…get some sleep. _You_ look like crap.'

'I look better than you.' I said, pretending to be a little offended.

'Not possible,' Cristina smiled as she got off her bar stool and turned around to leave. I smiled as I looked down. _Was I really considering Cristina Yang to be my new person_?

…**..**

'_Your mother says the residents have a name for me?'_

An attractive male voice interred my ears and I looked up to my left where Doctor Derek Shepherd was sitting.

What astonished me most was that he'd started talking to me because on the few occasions I had assisted him in his OR, he'd been most of all grumpy and humorless.

'I wouldn't know anything about that,' I said a bit defensively.

'What is it?' he persisted.

I wasn't sure whether the change was solely him or if my perception of him had changed but Doctor Shepherd seemed friendlier and calmer…with life and with himself. I decided in that moment, I was determined to extend him the same courtesy he was extending to me so I smiled when he asked again. 'What do they call me? Come on.'

'McDreary.'

Doctor Shepherd smiled sarcastically before taking a sip of his drink.

'We call you McDreary. You think that's funny?' I said.

'It's sad,' Doctor Shepherd whispered sadly looking down on the counter. 'McDreary…well, that's my life,' he said softly.

I stared a moment at Shepherd; seeing his sad face, his kind eyes and suddenly I felt sorry for him. We'd all heard about the rumors at the hospital; that the baby his wife was carrying wasn't probably his!

'So, how about tonight you're not McDreary, you're…you're just a guy in a bar,' I replied friendly.

'And you're just a girl in a bar,' he said softly, looking up.

'I am,' I smiled, '…and I drink tequila.'

I had never thought of Derek Shepherd in any other way except an unfriendly Neurosurgeon but at the sight of his boyish smile and friendly blue eyes, I felt my heart skip a beat; something that had rarely happened when I was with Alex. It was then that I realized how handsome my mother's Neurosurgeon really was.

'Tom?' Derek smiled as he pointed at my empty shot glass.

'Here you go.' The bartender said as he filled up my glass. I smiled and lifted my glass towards Doctor Shepherd's.

'Cheers,' he said softly before he smiled at me again.

_Derek's pov_

'Look,' I said sharply, 'for all intents and purposes, my marriage is dead. Let's just leave it at that…OK?'

'You're not divorced…yet?' I heard Meredith Webber say.

'No,' I replied and I noticed, I was getting a bit angry. 'But today, I found out my wife is carrying my best friend's child…so believe me when I say, my marriage is definitely over.'

'Oh, I'm really sorry,' Meredith stammered while she looked down.

I put my glass to my lips and emptied it in one gulp. I'd never drank much; or at least, not recently. Sometimes Addison had persuaded me to have a drink with her but for the most part I liked to keep my wits about me. But tonight, when I had decided to grab a quick drink at Joe's, my head had been full of fantasies of getting drunk and having revenge sex but now I just felt miserable.

'What are _**you**_ doing here,' I asked Meredith a bit sarcastically. 'I thought you and Alex Karev were an item?'

I didn't miss the sudden frown that marred Meredith Webber's pretty features.

'What?' I asked softly as I heard the sharp intake of breath she took before her eyes drifted shut.

'That ass cheated on me!' Meredith's head snapped up and her eyes flashed instantly, '…he's dead to me.'

'So…then, I guess we both got betrayed by our significant others.' I said softly while I reached out my hand hesitantly and softly touching Meredith's. To my surprise, she didn't pull back nor did she look away when I glanced at her.

'What do you say if we get out of here?' I said slyly.

'I think that's an excellent idea, doctor Shepherd,' Meredith said.

I escorted her out of Joe's bar and then to my nearby parked Jeep. I opened the door on the passenger's side, handing Meredith a hand.

'Thank you,' she smiled, using my hand as a balance to step up into the large Jeep. I closed the door behind her with a slam and went around to the driver's side, opening the door and getting in. I buckled my seatbelt and started the engine with a roar, carefully backing out of the parking spot. Only moments later I made a left turn onto one of the more quiet roads Seattle had to offer.

'So, where you wanna go?' I asked, checking my mirrors, eyes on the road. Meredith pondered my words but only for a moment then I heard her say, 'I know this great place where you have a marvelous view on the ferryboats!' I nodded and she gave me directions.

'I love ferryboats,' I smiled, averting my eyes back in front of me. There was silence between us as I stopped at a red light. I dropped my hands to the bottom of the steering wheel softly drumming it, glancing at Meredith secretly. I'd never really noticed this girl before but there was something about her; how her hair fell freely upon her slender shoulders and her warm, green eyes.

A sudden loud blaring horn beeped behind me which almost made me jump; green light.

'Crap,' I mumbled, pulling away and raising my hand at the honking driver behind me.

'You need to keep your eyes on the road, Doctor Shepherd,' Meredith chuckled playfully.

'Yes miss Webber,' I said smugly.

'I think this is it,' I announced moments later, shutting the car off and dropping my hands from the wheel. Meredith nodded and smiled.

'Wow,' I said taken aback by the beauty of the night. We both looked up to the sky in silence. The sunset was just beginning to turn to total darkness and the moon shone on the water of Elliot Bay. The fact that we were the only ones out here made it all the more stunning.

'Do you wanna go for a walk?' Meredith asked me a bit nervously.

'Sure,' I answered.

We got out of the car and slowly strolled along the docks. When we paused to watch an incoming ferry, Meredith's hand bumped against mine.

'Your hand is cold,' I softly said.

'Mmm…they both are…always,' Meredith smiled a bit shyly.

Without thinking, I grabbed Meredith's hands, holding them up to my mouth and blowing warm air through them. When I looked up, I could tell she was nervous because our faces were just inches apart.

'Better?' I whispered as my lips softly brushed against hers. Meredith's eyes widened.

'D...Doctor…Shepherd,' she stuttered looking at me.

'What?' I whispered against her lips. Meredith bit her lower lip, but closed her eyes as she leaned slightly forward.

'Don't be afraid…I won't hurt you,' I whispered before I lightly pressed my lips against hers, knowing she was probably shocked. I smiled as she slightly opened her mouth and kissed me back. I placed my hands on her waist and pulled her even closer to me, deepening the kiss passionately.

After a few moments, we slowly pulled away from the kiss; our faces still close to each other. Meredith looked at me, a little confused.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered, '…I shouldn't have….'

'Shhh…,' she whispered. 'It's OK…we're both in shock but maybe, it's better if you take me home now!'

**...**

_Meredith's POV_

As silent as I could, I walked up the stairs of the porch that led to my front door. Twisting the brass door knob, I pushed it open and tiptoed across the hallway until I reached the living room. A floor board creaked under my left foot and I held my breath, listening closely, trying to hear the faint sound of my parents breathing while they slumbered but…all was quiet. I tiptoed my way up the stairwell quieter than I'd ever done before but when I flipped the light switch in my bedroom, my heart almost skipped a beat when I found my dad sitting at the foot of my bed.

'Meredith Webber…do you know what time it is?'

The tone of my dad's voice pushed me back a few steps.

'I'm sorry dad…I know I should have called…but I've had such a crappy day,' I stammered.

'No one knew where you were…Alex is worried sick. He called a dozen times. Your mom is…' My dad shook his head. 'Just be glad she's been called to hospital for an emergency surgery,' he scowled at me.

I knew my dad was right but just hearing Alex' name set me off. 'Alex? Why should _**he**_ be worried? We broke up! That asshole cheated on me!' I yelled. My dad gasped and looked at me in shock.

I broke down and started crying because I just couldn't contain myself anymore. My emotions were so overpowering, I didn't even register how my dad lifted and lowered me down on my bed. When I had calmed down a bit, I told him the short version of what had happened today but then a knock against my bedroom door, startled me. My eyes flew to the entryway, my heart in my throat when I found my mom there.

'What's going on in here?' She said. 'Meredith? Are you OK?'

'I'm fine mom,' I said, because it was easier than trying to explain to her what had happened.

'Meredith's OK…Ellis,' my dad interrupted, '…let's just all go to bed. It's been a long night.'

I nodded shortly, lowering my eyes, slightly embarrassed. My dad stroked my hair before he got up and led my mom out of my room. Before he closed the door, he turned around and whispered, 'I'll explain to her…OK!' I smiled nodding, 'Thanks dad…I love you'.

'_I love you too, honey_…'

I was relieved; I was finally alone in the safe confines of my bedroom. Tension suddenly tangled in knots in my stomach when I mumbled to myself; g_ood job Meredith._ Today, I got engaged; discovered my fiancé was cheating on me with my best friend…_my person _as I used to call her; broke off my engagement; saved a life; almost got wasted, drinking tequila at a bar; found my new person and in the process, kissed with an attending, I never even liked before. Given how fast I'd moved today, it would probably be advisable to slow it down a bit or two.

I undressed and climbed back into bed, just wearing my underwear. I took in a deep breath and scanned the familiar space of my bedroom, trying to tell myself that everything was going te be fine. Maybe it all had just been a bad dream.

_Maybe_…

But try as I might, I couldn't make myself believe any of that. The truth remained too vivid in my memory and unconsciously, I pressed my fingers against my lips where _his _had been. Of course, it had been only a matter of moments. But with one single kiss, Doctor Derek Shepherd had nearly burned me to the ground. Even now, running my tongue over my lips, I could still taste him and with that feeling, I slowly drifted off into a dreamless sleep…

_Derek's POV_

Getting out of my Jeep, I sucked in a cleansing breath while thunder rumbled in the distance. Walking towards the trailer, I clenched my jaw when I spotted Addison. She was standing near her car.

_OK…time to face facts_.

The memory of Addison and Marc still had me by the horns and that was far from acceptable. But there was a remedy…one simple answer to one simple question. When I had that, I could bury my past and get Addison and Marc out of my mind for good. As I walked towards her, a cold splash landed on my nose and I shot a glance at the churning grey sky. A heartbeat later, the heavens opened up. Addison yelped, hunching over as icy needles pelted down on us. I threw my jacket over her and quickly unlocked my trailer, pushing her inside. As she shook out my jacket, she let out a sorrowful wail, 'I'm soaked!'

'It's not fatal. You'll dry,' I mumbled.

'Not before this outfit is ready for…,' she scowled.

'Addison? Why are you here?' I interrupted her.

Her blue eyes cooled and she shook her head slowly. 'I'm so sorry Derek…I've never meant for this to happen.'

I cocked a brow. 'What? That you're carrying my best friend's baby?'

'I wanted _your_ baby but you were always working.' Addison's grave tone was meant to bite and despite the fact I hadn't done anything wrong, my chest squeezed around a fist full of guilt.

'Maybe we were just not meant to be Addi,' I softly said. 'Maybe Marc's the better guy for you.'

Addison's nostrils flared. 'Damned Derek…I want _**you**_!'

My groan was half a growl. 'Addison…our marriage is over.'

'It doesn't have to be…' Addison's blue eyes glistened and her voice lowered. '…you can love this baby…pretend it's yours.'

I knotted my arms over my wild thumbing chest while I measured Addison with my eyes.

'Derek...please?' My name on her lips was barely more than a whisper.

'I want a divorce.' My voice sounded harsh.

'No…Derek, please give us a chance.'

My jaw tightened. 'Addison, you killed everything we ever were when you confessed the baby was Marc's.'

Addison drew a breath, steadying herself. She knew what I was demanding. She sucked in a breath. 'Damned Derek…I don't want you to give up on us!'

'It was _you_ that gave up on us,' I reminded her harshly.

'Please, don't send me away, Derek,' Addison softly pleaded while she stepped in my direction.

I shook my head slowly but deliberately, 'I think it's best if you leave now Addison. I'll call my lawyer in the morning.'

'Is a divorce really what you want?' she asked quietly.

'Yes.'

Addison swallowed hard but then turned around and left, leaving the trailer's door open. I watched her leave before I pushed the door closed, sagging down onto my bed and letting out a shuddering breath as I got there.

_Was I making the biggest mistake of my life_?

Irritated, I got up and paced around the trailer, flipping the blinds shut, wishing, I could as easily shut out the thought of Addison and Marc making love. Old memories of happier times welled up in my mind but I squashed them. I cracked my knuckles and pressed my palms down against the table, hunching my shoulders and staring blankly down at the counter top but visions of Addison and Marc kept teasing at the corners of my mind.

'Stop it,' I told myself sharply.

I turned around and undressed, before getting into bed.

Today had definitely been the worst day of my life but then I remembered a pair of clear green eyes which had burned into my own and that one totally spontaneous kiss. I scrubbed my hand over my jaw now, remembering it.

_I had kissed Meredith Webber. Was she my revenge for Addison's betrayal?_

I twisted in bed, sprawling, shifting and punching my pillow trying to answer that question. I couldn't remember a single woman who'd ever attracted me more than Addison. But Meredith was not a woman; I wanted for revenge sex…I wanted to get to know her…

6


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy...I only wish.**

**Hello,**

**First of all...let me wish you all a happy easter. I had some time to spare so wrote the second chapter of What If. Hope you like it. It looks like Doctor Shepherd has a long way to go... If you like the story and have suggestions, please let them know. Even I don't know where this story is going. When I read back this chapter, I really felt for him but was also glad, it was Meredith that found him! If you have some time to spare please comment. They're always welcome!**

**See you in the next chapter. Greets, **

**McJinx**

**Chapter 2**

There are four stages of mourning; _**Denial**_, _**Sadness**_, _**Anger**_ and finally _**Acceptance**_. Getting divorced means that some of your dreams have to be put away, others may be altered. It's the death of one future and you have to mourn that loss before you can move ahead and plan a new one.

_Quote by Doctor Derek Shepherd_

**_Derek's POV_**

Slightly dizzy, I stumbled out of Joe's Emerald City Bar right into the pouring rain. Within minutes my soaked clothes stuck to my skin but I didn't notice. My previous week had been hell! I had Addison served with divorce papers and had taken a week off from work to 'work out things'. But instead of taking care of business, I'd drunk myself into oblivion. I knew I was panicking because for the life of me, I didn't know how to bring the news to my mom and sisters I'd divorced Addison. So instead of coping, I'd drowned my sorrows in the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

Slowly, I staggered off, not knowing nor even caring where I was going but finally I ended up sitting on the docks of Elliot bay again, overlooking the ferryboats. Somehow, staring out on the water made my sorrow seem less and being irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. And to be honest, what was _I_ worrying about? I wasn't the one who'd done anything wrong. _Addison_ had been the one who'd betrayed me with my best friend. My thoughts trailed off as I slowly succumbed to the darkness of unconsciousness.

**…..**

'What in heaven's name…? Doctor Shepherd, are you OK?' I felt someone nudge my shoulder. I blinked and looked up into a pair of emerald eyes.

"M…miss Webber?' I slurred, grabbing at her.

Slowly, I tried to get up but almost immediately, I fell back on my butt again. 'Meredith W…Webber? What are you doing out h…here?'

'This is _my_ favorite place…remember?' She said a bit offensively.

She tried to help me get up and finally succeeded, holding me firmly by my jacket.

'You're drunk!'

I shook my head. 'W…whatever gave you t…that idea? I'm f…fine. Really!

**….**

**_Meredith's POV_**

Doctor Shepherd staggered as he tried to walk so I grabbed him by the arm to support him.

'You'll catch pneumonia if you stay out here any longer. Come on. I'll give you a ride home!'

I let Doctor Shepherd lean on me as I walked him back to my car. I hadn't seen him all week and I knew it had to do with his private life because my dad had told me my mom had been pissed because Dr. Shepherd-Montgomery had quit her job. Apparently, she'd left Seattle to accept a better job in New York.

It was only minutes after I'd pulled away from the parking lot when Doctor Shepherd fell asleep, softly snoring. I cast him a sideways glance and shook my head. There were deep shadows under his eyes and his clothes were rumpled as if he'd slept in them.

I bit my bottom lip when I realized, I didn't know his address. _Crap!_ I could very well take him home; my mom would declare me insane? My mind worked feverishly. _Where could he spend the night_?

The rain challenged my windshield wipers when I noticed the flashing lights of a Motel…_vacant rooms_. My heart started beating fast as I slammed my foot on the brake and halted the Jeep to an immediate stop. I checked in before I woke Doctor Shepherd, almost dragging him out of my Jeep. Inside the motel room, he fell on one of the chairs while I ran into the bathroom the get some towels. I walked back and handed him one but his head fell forward as he struggled to stay conscious.

'A towel?' Thanks, but t…that's not what I need.' He looked at me with a look in his eyes I couldn't decipher. I shook my head and helped him from his chair. 'Come on Doctor Shepherd, let's get you into bed.'

'Oh, I like t…the w…way you think, Miss Webber,' he slurred, putting his arm more firmly around my waist.

'Yeah right, in your dreams,' I chuckled while I tried to steady him against the wall. Doctor Shepherd looked at me and put his hand on my shoulder.

'D…do you k…know how p…pretty you are, miss Webber?' he slurred.

'God, you're drunk! Let's get some coffee into you, OK?' I set him on the bed and he immediately fell backwards, silently staring up at the ceiling while I went into the small kitchenette to fix him a cup of strong instant coffee. I smiled when I heard him start to rattle off nonsense through his drunken stupor.

Smiling he babbled, 'Addison and I have been married for eleven years. You know? She was beautiful and brilliant at her work.' Suddenly his mouth drooped and he furrowed his brow, 'But she betrayed me…with my best friend!' He slurred his words as he rambled on. 'She said it happened only o…once! I didn't want to lose her so I gave our m…marriage a second chance and when she told me she was p…pregnant. I was convinced it was mine.' Doctor Shepherd's voice trailed off, "…but it wasn't…!'

I was standing in the doorway, listening when I noticed the despair in his voice. I swallowed hard as I approached the bed. I handed him a mug when he put his hand on my arm. 'You would never betray a man like that huh, Miss Webber?' he said all serious suddenly. My heart skipped a beat but I almost immediately realized how drunk he was.

'Let's get you out of these wet clothes,' I said softly as I started to unbutton his jacket. Doctor Shepherd grabbed my hands, 'I'm g…glad it was y…you that found me, Miss Webber!'

'Doctor Shepherd? You're drunk and you need to sleep it off. I'm sure, things will be clearer in the morning.'

I tried to push back the covers but Doctor Shepherd pulled me against him and started kissing me. My mind went blank as I felt the warmth of his mouth but Shepherd lost his balance and we both fell on the bed. I looked at him angrily but he had passed out. I stood up and stared at him, brushing my hair back and touching my lips, silently hoping, he wouldn't remember in the morning. I grabbed my cell and pushed the speed dial.

**_Dad? It's me! I'm calling to say I won't be sleeping home!_**

**…**

**_No, I'm staying at a friend's. We're studying together._**

**…**

**_OK. Give mom a goodnight kiss from me._**

**…**

**_I will. See you tomorrow!_**

**…**

**_Bye._**

**_Derek's POV_**

It was dark when I awoke. I slowly tried getting up but that was a bad idea; I had a killing headache. I softly groaned while I sat on the edge of the bed, trying to figure out what had happened. _And where was I_? When I looked around my eyes fell on a figure, sitting motionless in a chair near the bed; what in hell? Meredith Webber?

I leaned forward and nudged her knee; soft at first but then a little firmer. Meredith moaned softly but then she slowly opened her eyes and yawned.

'Can you explain what I'm doing here?' I asked.

'How do you feel,' she replied, ignoring my question.

'Like someone's hitting me on the head with a hammer…constantly,' I described while I closed my eyes again.

'I found you at the Pier last night…you were loaded,' Meredith explained while she got up.

'I'll fix us some coffee.' She walked into the kitchenette and returned minutes later with two large mugs. She handed me one while she sat down next to me on the bed.

'I'm sorry,' she finally said, without looking up.

'What for?'

'That things didn't work out with your wife.'

'Ex-wife!' I corrected her.

I glanced sideways. Meredith's Webber's face was slightly pale and she looked tired.

'Thank you,' I mumbled softly.

'It's OK.'

Suddenly, I felt nauseous. I got up from the bed and rushed to the bathroom emptying the contents of my stomach in the toilet bowl. I groaned as I pushed my back against the tiled wall and slid down. I couldn't grasp what was happening. It felt as if the walls around me were closing in and I was trapped. Trapped inside a world I didn't want to exist in, at least…_not without her_.

'Doctor Shepherd…is everything OK in there?' I heard Meredith ask.

I closed my eyes but Addison's face seemed to haunt me. I couldn't get her out of my head. I was shaking, my vision was blurred and I felt as if I was going to pass out.

'Dr. Shepherd?' I felt Meredith nudge my shoulder.

I tried to speak but couldn't catch my breath...

**_Meredith's POV_**

I knelt down beside Doctor Shepherd and took his hand in mine.

'Could you please leave me alone,' he hissed at me while he pulled back his hand. He groaned and held his head in pain, closing his eyes. I stared closely at him, hesitating but then I wrapped my arms around him tightly and hugged him ever so closely.

He was silent but I knew he was crying because I felt a slight tremor in his body.

'She's having his…,' he forced down a sob in his throat.

'…baby.' He said in a trembling voice.

'Addison betrayed me,' he said. 'She betrayed with my best friend in my own bed.' There was a clicking in his throat. 'I wanted to save our marriage,' he said in a terrible voice. 'I was willing to give her a second chance. But when she told me the baby was his. I…'

Doctor Shepherd couldn't finish his sentence. We sat in the bathroom for a long time. He shivered helplessly, his eyes tightly shut.

'Why did she betray me like that?' He asked suddenly drawing in a shuddering breath.

'I don't know,' I whispered hoarsely.

Suddenly without hesitation or drawing back, he drew me against him and held on to me for dear life.

'Shhh…it's OK.'

My hands rubbed over Derek's back while his arms held me firmly. We were sitting in the bathroom, pressed closed together as if all the heat in the world was in my body and I wanted to share it with him. I felt the shuddering rise and fall of his chest as I held him close to me, his arms tight around my body and his face against my neck. His hands moved through my hair, stroking the silky strands. I didn't know how long we sat there holding each other close. I forgot everything; time and place. _It was just him needing someone…_

_**To be continued in the chapter 3**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy**

**Hi,**

**Hoping you enjoy the next chapter! I must confess...I've never loved writing a fanfic more than 'What If'. The story unfolds as I write. Even I can't wait what happens next!**

**Greetz, McJinx**

**Chapter 3**

_Meredith's POV_

Mesmerized, I stared at the grey locker room's wall, reliving the night at the motel over and over again; a pair of blue eyes together with thick black hair, styled into a trendy fashion haunting me everywhere I looked. I sighed as I absently tucked away a stray strand of hair under my scrub cap.

_How could I have done what I did_? _I'd never lied to my parents about my whereabouts. Never! _

'Has anyone seen Meredith?'

'She's in here.'

Absently, I looked away from the very fascinating wall to find Charles and Avery standing in the locker room's doorway. Taking in a deep breath, I banished Derek's Shepherd's blue eyes from my mind and smiled friendly. Charles and Avery entered and threw themselves down on the low lounge chairs which were placed against the wall.

'Your mom is looking for you.' Avery said while he grabbed a sandwich from my lunchbox.

'OK…do you know what for?'

Avery rolled his eyes and I giggled. He was right; it was not done to ask Ellis Grey for a reason if she wanted or needed someone of something. I hurried down the hallway and quietly knocked on the door of my mom's office.

'Come in,' my mom called, not bothering to look up from her computer screen. I unnoticeably sighed as I lowered myself into a chair opposite her desk. My mom's office smelled of her; like cinnamon doughnuts and citrus shampoo. Whatever the smell was, it overrode the pervasive antiseptic smell that usually invaded hospitals.

'Mom…you needed to see me?'

My mom looked up. Apparently she hadn't expected it to be me.

'Oh…it's you. Good, you and I need to discuss your future here at Seattle Grace!' My mom got up from her desk and shut the door behind me.

My heart started galloping madly as I tried to follow my mom's train of thought. I knew she wanted me at Cardio but apparently, I'd explained clearly enough, I wasn't planning to fill Callie Torres' shoes.

I opened my mouth to tell my mom, she could choose for me, but I caught myself in time, pressing my lips firmly together. It was _my_ future…not my mom's.

'Mom, I want you to know I've thought this through,' I began bravely, '… I know you had a whole future planned for me on Cardio but it's just not my thing. I also considered general surgery but that's what you and dad are good at. If you don't mind, I wanna take a shot at Neuro!'

My mom's head snapped up. 'Neurology!' I saw a flash of uncertainty in her green gaze and I suddenly realized the enormity of her job as Chief of Seattle Grace Hospital. Sure, all surgeons were part of a team but she was the leader, the '_expert'_. I felt an unfamiliar rush of tenderness for my mom welling up inside me as I realized she only wanted best for me.

'Mom…listen? Doctor Shepherd is one of the world's foremost Neurosurgeons. His mind is always on the job. He's driven and he's always focused. He'll be an excellent teacher.'

'Yes,' my mom said slowly, '…Doctor Shepherd has an impeccable reputation. He's only thirty-seven but worked on some real cutting-edge stuff but he's also boring Meredith. You do know what they call him around here?'

I sighed and slowly nodded, '_Doctor McDreary_.'

I groaned inwardly because I didn't care how others called him. I looked up and gave my mom a nervous smile, raising my eyebrows at her, encouraging her to say whatever was on her mind. For a few moments, we sat still, looking at each other, than my mom took in a deep breath.

'Oh…OK, whatever you want,' she said, '…but…!'

I heard the words come out of my mom's mouth but couldn't actually believe them.

'But…what?' I stammered a bit flabbergasted.

'You have to put your career on Neurology on hold for one week,' my mom explained. '_Doctor Shepherd called this morning to extend his leave with one extra week. Some business in New York…or whatever_,' she declared casually.

**...**

I walked down the hallway of Seattle Grace Hospital, my mind just as occupied as before.

_Why did Doctor Shepherd go to New York? Was it to visit his ex-wife? Did he want her back? Or was he planning to quit his job in Seattle to accept a new one in New York? _

My head started spinning so I dug into an empty exam room to recollect my thoughts. Then a soft knock at the door interrupted my train of thought.

'Come in,' I called out.

Cristina Yang poked her head inside. 'Meredith, are you OK?'

'I'm fine,' I responded.

'Can I get you anything?' Cristina asked. 'A glass of water, or…?'

'Thanks but not now,' I answered politely.

Cristina looked at me intently. 'Where were you last night?'

I chuckled nervously. 'Home…watching television.'

Cristina's gaze held me and then she slowly said, 'No, you weren't. I just saw your dad. He asked how our study date went?'

Warning bells started going off in my head and my smile froze on my face. I felt like a mouse caught in a trap, I bit my bottom lip, reluctant to hear what Cristina had to tell.

'Don't worry…I told him we learned a lot from each other.'

'You did?' Oh…you're definitely my new person Cristina Yang. You're awesome!'

'_Your person_?'

'Yes,' I smiled. 'Say…I would kill someone. You would the one to help me drag the corpse across the floor and get rid of it. You're _my person_!'

'Thanks, I guess,' Cristina chuckled amusingly, '…But then you have to be my person too,' I nodded but then Cristina studied me with the same intensity she used when searching for bacteria under a microscope. 'But to answer my question, Mer…where were you?'

I watched Cristina who was standing right in front of me. Her dark eyes flashed with fire and suspicion. Breaking the news to her whom I'd spent the night with, wouldn't be easy but she'd earned a right to hear, so I cleared my throat and softly announced.

'I was with Doctor Shepherd. We spent the night at a motel after I'd found him, loaded at the Pier.'

'You and Shepherd? Was he good?' Cristina chuckled. 'He looks like he'd be good. Was it any good?'

'_CRISTINA_? He…I…we didn't have sex. The man just got divorced.'

'Hey, no offense intended,' Cristina laughed while she raised her arms. 'I just say, you'd make a cute couple!'

I mumbled a profanity as I grabbed Cristina's arm pulling her into the hallway. 'Let's just drop the subject OK? Let's make ourselves useful by checking on our patient.'

When we reached the surgical floor, Cristina was still laughing but she was silent as soon as I opened the door to patient room 4212.

'Miss Ball…how are you feeling today?'

Dark dreadlocks framed a pale face showing fatigue, pain, fear and anger. She fixed Cristina and me with dark eyes filled with tears as she said, 'Why didn't you let me die?'

'Life's too precious to throw it away,' Cristina said while she checked the wound on Lucy's chest. I nodded but was struck by the sad look in her eyes. She swallowed hard and turned her head away from us. I sighed. Since Lucille Ball's admittance, she'd been cool, distant and unapproachable. I had tried talking to her a few times but she never let anything or anyone in. Cristina casually shrugged her shoulders.

'Everything's looking fine Lucy. Your wound is healing fast.'

The girl chuckled sarcastically, 'Good. The sooner you let me out of here, the better.' I slowly shook my head. No doubt in mind, Lucy would try to kill herself again if she had the chance so as soon as we left the room, I turned to Cristina. 'She can't be released…she'll kill herself.' Cristina nodded, 'I know Mer, but there's not much we can do…is there?' Defiantly, I stuck out my chin, 'I'm not gonna let that happen. I'll find a way to keep her here!' I don't know what it was but there was just something about this girl, I couldn't quite put my finger on.

****...****

The week flew by and it was hard to find the time to think of a suitable solution for Lucy. I had to concentrate on work and seeing to my patients the best of my ability. The months ahead were also filled with exams and I knew I had to cope. Today was Friday and only a quarter of an hour before nine but a quick glance around the pit showed that it was already filled to capacity with people waiting to be seen.

Things only quieted down around noon and I wondered whether I should start on my charts or have coffee first.

_Coffee first_, I decided, making my way to the basement. I'd scarcely finished pouring a cup when Alex approached me. He looked around, his eyes taking in every detail.

'What do you want?' I asked. I pushed my cup to one side and stood up as he came towards me. Somehow it gave me more strength being on the same level.

'Mer, why won't you talk to me? That thing with April was a mistake. You know I love _you_!'

When Alex pulled me to him, a faint heat crept over my cheek bones. His chest brushed against mine; solid muscle colliding with soft flesh. For a moment, I couldn't help wishing things would be the same again, but that could never be. Alex had destroyed whatever had been between us. My mouth tightened. 'Let go of me Alex,' I snapped.

'Why? Doesn't it feel good?' His gaze shifted to my breasts and I felt my temper explode.

'You're such a creep,' I burst out in anger, 'You slept with my best friend after you asked me to marry you.'

Alex' wry smile maddened me even further and I pushed him from me.

'I didn't mean to,' Alex murmured. He shrugged. 'She came to me Mer.'

'I don't care Alex,' I hissed through my teeth. 'We're through!'

**'_What's going on around here_?'**

I raised my head to the familiar voice and saw Doctor Derek Shepherd standing in the hallway. He was dressed casually, in jeans and blue shirt and his glance skimmed over me.

'Dude, can you give us some privacy?' Alex scowled, before he turned back to me, 'Mer, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I want you back.'

Anger built inside me. 'If you'd have any feelings for me, you would have never cheated,' I bit out.

'Maybe you'd better leave, Doctor Karev?' Derek started.

'Dude, I asked you to give us some privacy?' Alex said his anger apparent.

Derek Shepherd shook his head but then came, positioning himself between me and Alex, 'I'm not asking again,' he said slowly.

'Alex, please go,' I whispered, my voice cracking.

Alex chuckled sarcastically, 'Ah whatever…April's better is the sack anyway.'

'_What_…?' I would have attacked Alex if Doctor Shepherd hadn't been so fast. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and tried to prevent me from hitting Alex.

Doctor Shepherd pushed me back while he turned to Alex, 'You know…you might want to leave? Before I change my mind and let her beat you to a pulp with her tiny ineffectual fists.'

Alex made a face but turned and left the basement hallway.

'ALEX…you asshole!' I screamed as I tried to wriggle myself free from Doctor Shepherd's tight grip.

'Meredith…stop,' he said as he tried to hold my arms to my side.

'I don't wanna stop…let me go!' I yelled. Derek smiled but slightly loosened his grip. 'I let go if you promise you won't go after him?' he said amusingly.

'I promise,' I whispered while I struggled against him.

'I can't hear you,' Doctor Shepherd chuckled.

'I promise,' I said a little louder now. Derek Shepherd grinned but let go of me. 'Are you OK?' he asked.

'Yeah…yeah, I'm good,' I mumbled while I tried to steady myself.

'You sure? Cause you don't seem OK,' Doctor Shepherd tried again.

'I'm fine. Alex Karev isn't worth…all this,' I insisted again.

'Good,' Doctor Shepherd nodded. 'I've been looking for you. Your mom said you had to ask me something?'

**...**

**_Derek's POV_**

I perched against the edge of a gurney next to Meredith Webber. 'What do you need me for?'

Meredith blushed a little but she regained herself rather quickly. She took in a deep breath and said, 'I wanna be your resident on Neuro!'

'Oh…you do?'

This was surely something I wasn't expecting.

'Do you have a lot of ER experience?' I asked.

'Some. I studied medicine at Dartmouth and started my internship here at Seattle Grace Hospital,' Meredith said slowly. I heard some hesitation in her voice.

'What?' I asked softly.

She sighed before she hopped on the gurney. 'I wanna be honest with you, Doctor Shepherd. My mom wanted me on Cardio but it's just not my thing. I wanna be extraordinary…just like her…but I want something different. Do you know what I mean?'

I smiled and extended my hand, 'Meredith Webber…I'm Doctor Derek Shepherd, Neurosurgeon at Seattle Grace Hospital. I'd love to have you as my resident.'

She held out her hand. 'Pleased to meet you Doctor Shepherd. My name is Meredith Webber. I'm your resident, I guess.'

I became instantly aware of two things, the touch of her fingers against mine and the scent that arose from her hair. Both caused my nerve endings to tingle and I couldn't quite remember the last time I'd felt more than a glimmer of interest in someone I'd met.

**To be continued in the next chapter...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Please enjoy the next chapter and thank you to those who took the time to comment...love you guys!**

**Chapter 4**

**_Meredith's POV_**

It was 10 pm and I was sitting in an empty exam room, dealing with the backlog of paperwork that inevitably came with the job of a third-year resident. When I was finally done, I threw my pen down on the desk in disgust and marched towards the resident locker room, ready to call it a day. On my way down the hallway, I noticed some noise and stopped abruptly. All the operating rooms were finished for the day and the cleaning staff had left hours ago.

'Is someone in here?' I demanded at the open doorway.

Cristina poked her head out from behind a ventilation machine and announced. 'It's just me, Mer,'.

'Cramming again?' I smiled. It was generally known that Cristina practically haunted the operating rooms in her spare time and if anything, I was impressed by her dedication.

'What else! What about you? Heading home?' Cristina asked as I joined her in the space between the operating table and the ventilation machine.

'Yeah…I desperately need some sleep,' I grimaced. 'Tomorrow, I'm scrubbing in with Doctor Shepherd; my first Neuro case.'

Cristina nodded encouragingly. 'Shepherd's a good teacher,' she said. 'You'll learn a lot from him.'

'_I thought my ears were burning_.'

Derek Shepherd's pleasant voice carried out towards us and I stuck my head out. One thing about working in the operating rooms was that you rarely heard people approach.

'You do know what they say about eavesdroppers,' Cristina chided.

Doctor Shepherd grinned, ignoring Cristina's remark.

'I saw you're scrubbing in with me tomorrow?' he said, turning towards me. I nodded.

'I look forward to it,' he said as he brushed past Cristina and me, looking for some artery clamps. 'Be sure to ask me any questions you have, OK?'

Shepherd located his packet of clamps and departed, whistling a cheerful tune as he went. I watched him leave, groaning inwardly; the man filled out his scrubs better than any man had a right to.

'Well, I'm off,' I said as I turned around.

'See ya,' Cristina mumbled but she was already focused on the pattern of stitches she was practicing. When I walked along the hallway, I watched Doctor Shepherd through the glass panel of OR 2. He was behind the operating table, bent over a silicone 3-D model of a brain. I took in a deep breath and pushed through the door. He glanced up at me and then returned his attention to the model.

'Do you know that by heart?' I asked.

'Just about,' Doctor Shepherd smiled, not looking up.

'So,' he said casually, after a while, '…you and Doctor Karev had a lover's quarrel yesterday?'

I blinked and then blushed because I wasn't been expecting that.

'A lover's quarrel? Alex Karev and I are finished…definitively!'

Derek Shepherd grinned and I shot him a withering look. I'd entered the OR to wish him a good night and instead we were having this bizarre conversation.

'Relax, Meredith. I'm just teasing.'

I glared at him furiously. 'Well…don't.'

'I'm sorry…OK?' Doctor Shepherd returned to his work, a smile still playing at the corners of his mouth. I sighed and turned around to leave when April burst through the OR door.

'_Meredith_? Cristina's looking for you!'

I was about to tell April what she could do with herself when she announced, 'I'm afraid, it's Lucy…you have to come…NOW!'

Quickly, I stammered an excuse and ran after April. To my surprise she took the stairwell that led to the roof and my heart started hammering with fear. _She wouldn't…_

When I opened the door that led to the roof, my breath hitched in my throat. I easily spotted her because the red highlights in her dreadlocks were like flames in the faint light of the moon. Lucy stood on the ledge, holding up her hand and spreading the fingers, letting the wind trace itself through. The edge of her white hospital gown flapped open in the wind and I could see the blood red scare on her chest. Cristina stood near the ledge and I tried signaling her. As soon as she saw me, she came up to me.

'I'm afraid she'll jump, she said softly. 'We have to call security.'

'They won't make it in time,' I whispered.

I swallowed hard before I slowly walked up to the ledge, waiting for Lucy to acknowledge my presence. I'd never been particularly fond of heights and the wind was strong enough to make me prefer to be inside but Jesus…I needed to get her off that ledge. The thought of her losing her balance made my palms sweat.

'What do you want?' she suddenly said,'…a breath of fresh air?'

I peered over the ledge and my stomach churned painfully.

'I just wanna talk,' I whispered. A strong breeze whipped my hair across my face and I had to fight the impulse to loop an arm around Lucy's waist and pull her back.

'Why?' she said softly.

'Because I like you and I don't want you to hurt yourself.'

Lucy didn't respond but stared out at Seattle's skyline.

_She felt how Meredith Webber looked at her but she didn't meet her gaze. Her friendly approach made her remember how good things had been at home when her mom had still been alive. Her mom, dad and sister Molly had been her everything. But then everything had fallen apart. The death of her mother had ripped her dad up inside and not even she or Molly had been able to piece him back together…and then he'd killed himself_.

'My n…name's n…not…Lucy.' Although whispered softly, the tremble in her voice cut to me. 'My name is Lexie…_Lexie_ _**Grey**_!'

For a minute, I thought I was going to pass out. No matter how hard I ordered my lungs to draw a breath, they remained paralyzed, frozen and useless inside my chest.

_Grey…like my mom? Are we sisters?_

I finally managed to suck in a breath and the rush of oxygen made the world tilt at its edges. I gripped the ledge until my knuckles hurt from holding on so tight.

'Talk to me Lexie…My mom's name is Grey too? Are we related?'

'Yes.'

'Why didn't you tell me,' I whispered.

'There's nothing to tell.'

_God, why did she have to be so friendly. So familiar. For a moment the good memories from her past competed with the bad. Lexie had realized Meredith was her sister when she'd seen Ellis at the hospital. She had recognized her dad's first wife from his old photo album and after that, it had been easy, putting two and two together. _

'Lexie…please?' I begged, placing my hand on her arm.

She shook her head and for a moment, I was scared she would tell me to go to hell but then air rushed across my face as an arm shot past me, wrapping around Lexie's waist dragging her off the ledge before she had a chance to react.

'NOOOO….let go of me,' Lexie yelled but my dad held her tight against him. 'I got her honey,' he gasped out of breath while he brought a kicking and screaming Lucy/Lexie inside.

_Thank God…she was safe._ My chest ached and my knees trembled a bit under my weight.

'Meredith, are you OK?' My mom's voice came from afar.

'I'm fine.' Avoiding my mom's gaze, I stepped back and turned away from her but she grabbed my hand. 'Hey?'

'Did you know?' I snapped, turning towards her.

'Yes.' She said while she stuck out her chin.

_Typical_.

I didn't have to pull hard to get my mom to release me. 'You said my dad left the country after you and he got divorced. All this time, he's been living here…in Seattle? You should have told me I had a sister.'

'Half-sister,' my mom declared '…and you have two!' She shrugged her shoulders and I shook my head. Moving on had always been her best bet. Telling me about my dad and his new family wouldn't have even crossed her mind.

'I wanna see dad,' I said stubbornly.

'You can't,' my mom said softly.

'The hell I can….' I sidestepped and blocked my mom's path.

'Meredith? Your father died two months ago,' my mom said quietly. 'He killed himself after his wife died.'

My eyes slid closed but then I shoved her out of the way and made my way down the hallway.

**_Derek's POV_**

I saw Meredith Webber from a far distant down the hall. Her face was pale and she looked slightly disorientated. I watched her open a door to her left and frowned. Curious as to why she wanted to spent time in a storage room after midnight, I hurried to catch up. As I entered the storage room, I realized why she needed a hiding place. Desperately trying to catch her breath, she was breathing rapidly and shallow while her cheeks were streaked with tears. Her chest jerked with sobs as I knelt down beside her.

'I can't…I can't…my d…dad…he's…,' she gasped out of breath.

'Shhh…,' I soothed her.

'My m…mom said…m…my dad…is…d…dead,' she finally brought out while she sobbed uncontrollably.

'Slowly,' I whispered…,' Shhh…slow, deep breaths. But despite my attempt to soothe her, Meredith's breathing became even more labored and her chest was heaving with the effort. I stood and quickly grabbed a paper bag from the shelf, kneeling back down next to her.

'Take this,' I said while I handed her the paper bag. 'Slow breaths.' Breathing into the bag seemed to do the trick; her heaving breaths slowed considerably. Finally, her breathing returned to normal and her face fell against my neck, smearing my skin with hot tears. I held her and gradually her trembling ceased.

'I'm OK,' she said softly, after a while, her voice muffled.

'You're OK,' I smiled while I brushed a strand of hair from her face.

'Thank you.' She raised her tear-swollen eyes to mine.

Her face was so close and so sad, that before I realized it, I pulled her closer to me; her pain was so palpable. I bent my head to hers and held her against me while I breathed in her sweet scent. She held onto me, her breath stirring the little hairs in my neck, coming and going in quick little pants and then I turned my head and captured her mouth with mine. She drew back immediately, staring confused at me and I was about to apologize when she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me back. I opened my mouth and our tongues made their first contact. She sank her fingers into my hair and clung to me, almost demanding more. I continued to kiss her while I slowly rolled on top of her. Then I held her captive while my right hand slid beneath the hem of her scrub shirt. Gliding my hand over the hot, silky skin of her belly, I realized, we clung to each other like two drowning people in search of life raft.

'_Meredith_,' I sighed. '…it's not that I don't like kissing you but I'm afraid I can't stop if….'

'It's OK,' she said, turning to look into my eyes. 'It have been an intense couple of days…for the both of us.'

I looked into her serious gaze and knew she was right. I sighed and nodded, pulling her close one more time. To my surprise, she allowed the brief embrace. Again, I breathed in her scent and realized, she felt good in my arms. _What if she could stay there forever_?

**To be continued in chapter 5...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Enjoy the next chapter. And thanx for your lovely comments. Glad you like the story. Many of you have added this story to your favorites which proves that just like me, you can't wait to know what happens next...;-)**

Chapter 5

**_Meredith's POV_**

I nervously wrung my fingers together while I waited for the elevator to reach the ground floor. After what seemed like an eternity, the elevator finally arrived, a dinging sound filling the empty hallway as the doors slid open. I stepped onto the empty elevator and pressed the button that would lead me to the surgical floor. I closed my eyes while I leaned back against the cold, metal rail, gripping it tightly as the elevator traveled upward. Once I'd reached my destination, I immediately walked up to the nurses' station. The nurse who was watching his computer screen looked up,' Yes, Doctor Webber…what can I do you for?'

'Tyler, I know visiting hours are over, but…'

The nursed nodded and directed his attention back to the computer screen, 'I never saw you doctor Webber.'

'Thanks Tyler,' I said softly while I quickly proceeded down the hallway to room 4188. Taking in a deep breath, I quietly pushed open the door and peered into the dimly lit room. Lexie was lying in bed, her skin paler than ever before and her hands immobilized with soft restraints. Her eyes were tightly closed and her face contorted while tears streamed unabatedly down her face. I swallowed hard but walked to her bed, bringing a hand to her hair, stroking it gently.

'Lexie? It's me…_Meredith_.'

I watched some of the tension leave Lexie's face as she heard my voice. A bit startled, I gasped as her eyes flew open and she looked directly at me.

'It hurts so much…I have no one,' she whispered.

I felt my insides clench as Lexie's eyes started swimming with tears again and I shook my head as several tears of my own escaped me.

'That's not true…you have _**me**_,' I whispered. I reached my hand up to Lexie's cheek, stroking away her tears with my thumb.

'Everything's gonna be alright. I'm here and I'm gonna take care of you.' I watched my half-sister carefully, hoping she would open her eyes again but she remained motionless.

'Do you want me to go?' I asked quietly but she shook her head. I sat down in the chair next to her bed when I heard her whisper,' I love you sis!'

**…...**

I awoke with a start and for a moment all was confusion but then the fear of Lexie trying to commit suicide quickly dissolved in the rays of sunshine that streamed in through the window. I slowly sat up but Lexie was still sleeping soundly. I smiled when I noticed some color had returned to her pretty face.

_She'd gone through a terrible ordeal; losing both parents but I swore right there and then that I would never abandon her_.

I bit my bottom lip; hesitating but then I carefully untied the restraints. Lexie moaned softly, her eyes struggling to open. I leaned forward carefully, not wanting to scare her. Softly, I smoothed her temples, brushing her hair from her face.

'It's alright Lexie…it's me, Meredith.'

Lexie's eyes fluttered again before opening. '_Meredith_?'

'Yeah, morning sleepyhead.' I forced a smile on my face for Lexie's sake, not wanting her to see how frightened I'd been.

'Oh, Meredith, I'm sorry…' Lexie's eyes filled with tears.

'Shhh…,' I whispered. 'There's nothing to be sorry about.' I reached for Lexie's arm to take her hand in mine but then she started crying.

'It's OK,' I soothed. 'I'm here!'

Lexie continued to cry. I swallowed hard but then the floodgates inside me opened too. Softly, we cried in unison. I wanted to gather her in my arms and hold her but I was afraid, she'd push me away so I hovered over her until we were both spent.

_With no more tears left, I felt it was time for words and new beginnings_.

'Lexie…I'm sorry we've never met before. You're my sister and I love you…I want you to know, I'll never leave you.'

'But…?'

'Let me help you. We're sisters!' I looked into Lexie's eyes but she turned away. I took her chin and gently turned her face back to me. 'You're _my_ sister.'

Lexie finally crumbled. 'And you are…mine!' She tried to get up. 'I don't have a home…I have nothing. Molly moved to the other side of the country with her husband. I don't have a home…I don't know where to go?'

I shook my head and pressed my fingers to Lexie's lips to stop her from talking. 'Shhh…you don't have to worry about that. I'm going to take care of everything. Trust me.'

'Meredith?'

'Yes?'

'I'm glad you're my sister.'

My eyes filled with tears again and I quickly wiped them away, smiling. 'I am too. More than you'll ever know. Now…try and get some sleep. I have to go…first surgery with Doctor Shepherd but I'll be back. You just have to promise me one thing?'

'What?' Lexie mumbled.

'Never climb back on that roof again.'

'I promise,' Lexie smiled.

'Good.' I pressed a kiss to Lexie's forehead and waved goodbye before I hurried to OR 2 for my first aneurysm clipping.

**_Derek's POV_**

I'd finished my rounds and discharged several patients. Mr. Turner's aneurysm had been clipped and if I hadn't been so thorough, his prognosis would have been much worse. When I walked down the hallway, I shoved my hands deep into my pockets, still reminiscing over today's surgeries. I'd just turned the corner when I glanced up to find a captivating vision before me; Meredith Webber's slender hips swayed rhythmically as she hurried down the hall. She had her hair pulled up in a ponytail and it bopped up and down together with her strut. I smiled and rushed a bit to catch up. Today, she'd proven to be a very promising Neuro resident in my OR.

'What's your hurry? Exciting date?'

Meredith spun round, looking slightly surprised. 'Oh…it's you. Hi!'

'Hey.' I forced her to slow down so we could walk together.

'Where are you going? I'll walk with you.'

'The elevator.'

I nodded. A moment of silence followed and I wondered if I'd forgotten how to make conversation with a woman but fortunately, I could always keep the subject on work.

'You did a good job today, Meredith.' I said, '…very thorough!'

'I did? Thanks.'

I knew it wasn't a good idea to socialize with residents, especially if one was Ellis Grey's daughter but there was something special about her, I simply couldn't deny so I cleared my throat. 'If you're not busy tonight, how about having dinner with me?'

'You want to have dinner with _me_?'

'Yes…I believe I said that,' I chuckled amusingly.

When she answered, I realized she'd been holding her breath for a moment. 'Doctor Shepherd?'

'Please? Call me Derek. What's it gonna be? Come on, Meredith…we're both single…you've saved me at Elliot's bay from an awful pneumonia and we've kissed in an empty storage room.'

She hesitated for a second or two but then she nodded, 'OK…Yes…, I'll have dinner with you Doctor Shep…I mean Derek.'

'Great! You want me to drive?'

But to my surprise, she shook her head. 'Just tell me the location and I'll meet you there.'

**…...**

An hour later I sat at the bar of my favorite restaurant, nursing a cold beer. I tapped my foot and checked my watch again. I dug into my pocket for my cell to search for her beeper number when something made me glance up. Meredith stood in the restaurant entry and a smile of excitement must have stretched across my face as I pushed my barstool off to meet her.

'Hey,' she said, with an apologetic gaze. 'Sorry, I'm late…but I had to visit my sister first.'

'No problem.'

I reached for Meredith's hand and a surprisingly pleasant surge of energy started when she laid her small hand in mine. I glanced appreciatively into her pretty eyes while soft blonde waves tumbled over her slender shoulders. She smiled and nervously used her free hand to flip a stray strand behind her ear. I breathed in and again the scent of her hair slightly dazzled me and as my gaze traveled downward I noticed her mouth glistened slightly as if she was daring me to kiss her. Maybe I would…_later_.

**_Meredith's POV_**

'Lexie…I'll see you tomorrow…OK?' My sister nodded and I quickly gave her a hug.

'Be sure to have a good time,' She said softly while she wrapped her arms around my neck to hug me back.

'Thanks.'

Quickly, grabbing my bag, I bit my bottom lip as I tried to hold back a chuckle. In less than half an hour I would have dinner with Doctor Shepherd and to me, it seemed a bit unreal because he'd turned out to be the complete opposite of what I'd thought before. He was of course extremely good looking, funny, nice, smart but not geeky; basically, he was everything a girl could ever want in a guy. Too bad he was my attending and would never really be interested in me but that didn't stop me from fantasizing about him.

**…...**

I tried to act as normal as possible as his strong, fresh scent flowed up my nostrils as he gallantly pulled back my chair and it made me somewhat nervous.

'This looks delicious,' Derek smiled as he lifted his gaze from the plates the waiter placed in front of us. 'Hmm,' I nodded. It was only now I actually realized how mesmerizing the color of his eyes actually were.

'Are you originally from Seattle?' he asked while he picked up his fork.

'Mmm,' I said, still chewing. 'How about you?'

'I'm from the East coast. My family still lives back there.'

'So why'd you come to Seattle?' I asked.

'Your dad asked me to come. He's one of my old teachers.' Derek said slowly.

'But that's not the whole story, though…is it?' I said softly.

I noticed, Derek's nostrils flared and his jaw clenched, 'No.'

'I'm sorry…I'm being too forward,' I mumbled an apology but Derek placed his hand on mine. 'Don't…it's not that I don't wanna tell you what happened…it's just…' A painful expression crossed his face but he quickly replaced it with a small smile. 'It had to do with my wife…_ex-wife_,' he corrected himself. 'About nine months ago, I found her in bed with my best friend, Mark. She said it only happened once and I believed her. We decided to give our marriage a second chance and moved away from New York. When she told me, she was pregnant, I was over the moon…but I always had my doubts and well…the rest of the story you know.'

**…...**

We had a wonderful time, the atmosphere at the restaurant was dynamic and the food was simply magnificent. After the meal, we both agreed that apple pie was the only true dessert and decided to share. After one bite of the pie, a couple brushed past our table and two too familiar faces stopped.

My dad rested his hand on Derek's shoulder. 'Greetings, you're having dinner with my daughter, I see?' Derek stood up quickly, dropping the napkin from his lap. 'Hey Richard.' Both men smiled warmly at each other as they shook hands. My mom though cast a cool dismissive gaze in his direction. 'Hi Ellis,' Derek said softly as he gave her a quick nod.

'_Derek_.' She just said but then she raised her perfectly shaped eyebrows and tilted her head in my direction. Her message came through loud and clear. _What are you doing here with that man_?

I forced a smile on my face, nodded and said a curt 'Hi mom.' Luckily my dad saved the day. 'Well, we'd better get to our table. See you tomorrow at the attending's meeting, Derek.'

'I'll be there.' Derek passed me a mischievous glance but my stomach churned painfully. Derek sat back down while my dad led my mom to their table. I swallowed hard as a wave of anxiety took hold of me. I pushed back my chair, 'I need to find the ladies' room. Will you excuse me?' Derek looked surprised, the way he'd looked when he'd first spotted me in the restaurant entryway but I didn't give him a chance to say anything.

When I got back to the lobby, Derek had already paid the bill and was waiting for me. His eyes were soft and he was obviously glad to see me. I took in a deep breath because in the bathroom, I'd come to my senses. Doctor Shepherd and I would never have a chance. My mom would never approve. I needed to cut things off with him before they ever got started.

'Are you ready?' Derek asked.

I nodded.

'I thought we might go somewhere to listen to music or have a drink. What do you say?'

'I can't. I've barely slept for two days. I need to go home.'

Derek straightened his shoulders and jiggled the car keys in his hand. 'I see. Well, in that case, let me take you home.'

**To be continued in the next chapter...**

**Too early for sex...please let me know ;-)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Pfff...after the sad (but awesome) Season Finale we need some TLC. Please enjoy this next chapter (Yep...their first time). I hope it's not too sweet ;-) Let me know what you think?**

**Lots of love, McJinx**

**Chapter 6**

**_Derek's POV_**

As we were walking to my car, Meredith turned to me. 'My parents saw us. Do you know what that means?'

'Yeah, Ellis and Richard saw us…,' I said, ignoring Meredith's question. She didn't say much as I walked her to the passenger's side of my Jeep, realizing she was quite terrified because her parents had seen us. I opened the door and got her inside. As I walked to my end, I climbed in and buckled up, my mind still racing quickly for a game plan because I didn't want this evening to end. Meredith sat still and silently and I could almost guess what she was thinking.

'My mom will never allow this,' she finally turned to me.

'_Allow what_?' I asked. But Meredith remained silent.

'Allow what, Meredith?' I prodded.

'I don't know what this is,' she finally whispered. She kept glancing at me nervously. Smiling, I moved my hand over to hold hers but she pulled away from me.

'Just calm down…You have nothing to worry about.' I gently squeezed Meredith's knee but when she turned to me, all I noticed was resignation and distance. Clenching my jaw, I pulled over with a sudden stop causing Meredith to turn her head to me with a frown. I put the car in park and got out, walking to her side, yanking the door open. I leaned down, and held out my hand to her. She looked at me questioningly.

'Can you step out with me for a second?'

Still, she kept staring at me.

'Meredith, please?'

I held a persistent hand out to her but she watched me in confusion, not sure what to do. After a moment, she sighed but took my hand, getting out of the car.

'Crap,' she mumbled.

I held her hand in mine and turned her around so I could take hold of both of her hands. I took in a breath before I looked into her eyes so she could see the full force of my pleading gaze.

'Don't give up already,' I softly said.

She stared up at me, brows wrinkled in confusion, her mouth gaping open in offense. 'I'm not giving up…'

I didn't let her finish. '…I know you're scared your parents saw us, especially your mom but Meredith, it's _your_ life not hers!' I saw how Meredith froze, stunned that I knew what she was thinking.

'I'm not giving up. There's nothing to give up on. _We_ aren't together. We never have been and we never will,' she rambled defensively.

I shook my head and chuckled. 'Meredith. I don't know you too well but I do know that when you get that look in your eyes, you're just being stubborn. At this point, I just want you to know that I'm too selfish to give up on this. I want to get to know you better.'

Meredith looked up at me and searched my eyes. 'And why is that?'

'Well,' I stood closer to her, running my thumbs over her fingers. '…For one thing, you're very, very bossy. It keeps me in line.'

**_Meredith's POV_**

I searched Derek's glinting eyes and all I found was honesty within them. I knew I could tell him anything, and he would always be there if I needed him. It was just…? Was I being naïve? Or had I fallen for Derek Shepherd? One thing, I knew for sure; I could believe every word he said.

'So…what's it gonna be?' Derek leaned down and held my face planting a feather light kiss on my forehead.

It was my choice and I knew that if I kissed him, nothing in my life would ever be the same. _But how could that be? I didn't even know if I was ready for a new relationship after Alex. Still, on more than one occasion, something special had flared between Derek and me; something more than just a stolen kiss in storage room. _

I sensed that Derek held his breath, silently waiting for me to make a decision but I bit my bottom lip and stayed where I was.

Finally, because it was what I wanted, I lifted my face and brought my lips up to Derek's. Our kiss was warm and gentle, his mouth caressing mine in a way that was so thorough, it took my breath away. It was as though my tension from before vanished, and this was all I'd ever lived for. My breath shuddered in my lungs as I finally dragged my mouth away from his.

'I think, I'm falling for you,' I whispered. A heartbeat passed between us. And another. My blood raged in my veins and when I looked up at Derek, I knew my resistance had broken. _Crap. What was I doing? How did I get to this point? How had we gone from nothing to an explosion in a matter of seconds_?

'That's…good to know,' Derek whispered, turning my face toward his which brought my lips just under his. My breath caught in my throat and I knew my chest was heaving, and then he whispered, '_I know I've fallen for you_.'

**…...**

Hand in hand we slowly walked down a winding old dirt road. When we stopped at a tree surrounded clearing, Derek cleared his throat.

'Where are we?' I asked, looking around. Derek smiled as he turned to me, 'I'm gonna tell you. First I want you to know this. My mother's maiden name; Maloney. I have four sisters. I have…er, nine nieces, five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single Malt Scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Er…favorite novel; The Sun Also Rises. Favorite band; The Clash. My favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue. Indigo. The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore…And I live in that trailer.' Derek pointed between the trees at a silver airstream trailer.

'All this land is mine. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it. So that's it. That's my life in a nutshell. The rest, you just have to find out as we go along.' I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss was soft and slow and when we pulled apart, I whispered, 'I'd like to get to know you better. Let's go inside?'

We were barely inside the trailer when Derek leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine. He reached out and cupped the back of my head in the palm of his right hand, drawing me even closer. He kept kissing me with hunger. With need. But there was also something else. Something I'd never felt before. Almost simultaneously we broke our kiss, our breaths coming out in quick pants. Derek rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes.

'_Maybe we should take it a bit slower…_' His voice sounded hoarse as I looked at him, my mouth swollen and moist from our kisses. My head was spinning, my pulse echoing loudly in my head. I knew, he was wondering if we were going too fast but I placed two fingers to his mouth, '_Shhh, don't speak_….' Our gazes stayed locked as I reached for the hem of his shirt. I noticed Derek swallowed hard but he raised his arms above his head. I inched his shirt up slowly, pressing soft kisses along his bare neck. He groaned, quickly pulling the shirt over his head, claiming my mouth in a kiss that left us both wanting more. His eyes smoldered as he started unbuttoning my blouse, staring at my breasts encased in delicate white lace and satin. A soft moan escaped me when he gently traced his finger over my cleavage and his gaze was tender as he reached behind my back to unclip my bra.

'Derek,' I panted.

'You're beautiful,' he groaned as he dipped his head to kiss my neck. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he raised his head to claim my mouth again. He sank slowly on the bed, pulling me with him until we were joined from head to toe. His weight on me felt good as he ground his hips against me. But still it wasn't enough. I wanted more so I wriggled off Derek, standing a little unsteadily on my feet.

'What?' he whispered.

I watched him intently as my hands went to the zipper of my jeans. Biting my bottom lip, I made short work of my jeans and panties and at the same time, I watched Derek liftin his hips sliding down his jeans and boxers. The sight of him in all his naked glory set my heart pounding and all I wanted to do was touch him, run my hands across his chest and arms and down his thighs…

'_Are you sure_?' Derek whispered. I nodded and reached out my hand. He smiled and gave it a yank, pulling me on top of him. He wrapped me in his arms and pulled me close to his chest, his heat all radiating over me. He angled his head to kiss me again, deeper, more forcefully. Our tongues met and I tasted his passion, felt it pulsing in my center. Derek's hand covered my breast and as I moaned, his thumb lingered over me, circling, teasing me, and sending chills across my chest and down to my tummy. I straddled his waist and leaned forward to kiss him again, and again, while his hands explored my hips, thighs and back. I arched when he took my nipple in his mouth, sending chills down to my toes. When he tasted my other nipple, I closed my eyes. Wanting more, I pushed my pelvis forward almost driving myself crazy by gently gliding against the firm skin of his erection. A throbbing heat started in my core and grew in intensity until I couldn't stand not having him inside me.

'Do you have protection?' I whispered slightly out of breath.

Derek nodded, reaching for his night stand producing a glow-in-the-dark condom. I giggled while he sheathed himself. Then our gazes met and I bit my bottom lip as I slowly straddled him again. Derek kept looking at me as he slowly guided his erection inside and as he slowly filled me, my nerves gradually rose higher.

**_Derek's POV_**

I entered Meredith with one decisive push, swallowing her moan with my mouth. I groaned at her tightness, the sensation too exquisite for me to even breathe. I opened my eyes and eased myself away from her slightly, looking up at her. Her eyes were closed and she was licking her lips. Her breasts were swollen and moist from my ministrations and without realizing I stopped my movements. Meredith opened her eyes and looked at me.

'Please,' she almost begged. 'Don't stop.'

I groaned and flipped her onto her back, sheathing myself again in her tight, moist depth.

'Mmm, Derek,' she whimpered as she clutched at my shoulders. I sank down on her and claimed her mouth in a passionate kiss. She softly groaned as I slid into her, again and again, and again. I could feel how her internal muscles started to tense and tighten around me. I groaned and knew she felt it too. I lifted my head and our gazes locked as our bodies moved to a joint rhythm. Higher and faster.

I fought against it, wanted it to last longer but the pressure in my loins built unbearably. I lowered my head and circled my tongue around her nipple. I grunted at her strangled whimper and looked up into her face. Meredith's eyes were closed and her lips slightly apart. She was so beautiful. My heart swelled and then I felt it. I wanted, needed her to come apart in my arms. I buried my face in her neck until my lips were at her ear, whispering.

'God, you feel so good…so tight.'

She shivered as my breath caressed her ear and she wrapped her arms around my neck as my words clearly destroyed her concentration.

'Not…fair…Derek,' she moaned as my words filled her head.

'Come on Mer…come with me.' I whispered as I felt her muscles grip me hard. I knew she was about to go over the edge. And then I was right there with her.

Meredith moaned my name as a forceful orgasm rushed through her. My own release joined hers and I then couldn't think anymore. I held her tight as for one elusive moment our world stopped and pleasure rained down on us. I slowly rocked my hips until there was nothing left and we were both breathless and spent.

The trailer was silent except for the sounds of our uneven breaths. I stirred, raining gentle kisses over Meredith's face, still locked inside her.

'Are you OK?' I whispered.

'Mmm.' She nodded but her voice cracked at the explosion of our passion.

'Come here,' I smiled, gathering her snugly to my chest. She cuddled into my hold, sighing,

while I kissed her temple.

Meredith sighed again and then I heard her softly whisper, 'I've never made love like this before.'

I smiled and looked down on her. A soft glow bathed Meredith's pretty face and her eyes had drifted shut in slumber. I slowly pulled back, covered us with a blanket before gathering her safely back in my arms. I stared at her hair, replaying our entire evening; our dinner, our lovemaking, our orgasm, our whispers and the look in her eyes.

_I had never made love to a woman like this before. My feelings for Meredith Webber had grown in a couple of weeks. And after this I felt, they had evolved into something even bigger and better than what I'd ever experienced before. With Addison not everything had been rosy and bright and loving her hadn't been easy. But now everything had changed. Losing Addison had been devastating but the thought of losing Meredith ever…would be unimaginable. _

**_To be continued in Chapter 7_**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Sorry, I've kept you waiting for so long...too busy :( with work and all. Hope you love the next chapter as much as I did. Thanx for all your lovely comments and I promise, I won't keep you waiting too long. **

**Love, McJinx**

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

**_Derek's POV_**

As usual, I awoke at the sounds of birds chirping in the trees outside my trailer. I knew it was still early because the light coming in through my windows wasn't very bright yet. I yawned and gently slipped from beneath the arm that lay loosely across my waist. I turned to see Meredith still sleeping peacefully. Her right bare shoulder poked out from under the sheet and her tangled hair spread out across the pillow. I smiled and propped up on my elbow, watching her sleep. Rays of the early morning sun slowly danced across her face as I remembered every moment of our night together. Making love to her had been perfect and so much more either of us had expected and then it hit me; _I love her_.

But how was that even possible so quick after my divorce from Addison_? _Feeling slightly overwhelmed, I carefully moved my hand up to Meredith's face and brushed aside a wisp of hair. She stirred and her eyes slowly fluttered open.

'How late is it?' she asked sleepily.

'Around Five, I think.'

'We need to get up,' she whispered while she pulled the sheet all the way up to her chin. I leaned back slightly and watched her amusingly, sensing she was a bit embarrassed. Wanting her to feel at ease, I leaned forward and softly kissed her cheek.

'Morning.'

When her eyes met mine, she shyly lowered her lashes and murmured, 'Good morning.' At her whisper, a thousand butterflies started fluttering in my stomach so I reached out, took her hand and pulled her to me. 'You have no idea what you're doing to me,' I whispered. She buried her face in my neck and I tenderly kissed her forehead.

'_I think, I'm in love with you_.'

The words flowed out of my mouth before I even realized I'd said them. Not sure, if I'd whispered it loud enough for her to hear, I held my breath. But almost instantly, I felt her stiffen in my embrace and a stunned gasp escaped her.

'_W…what_?'

'I'm sorry,' I said blankly. 'Just act like I never said it. It's just; I've never felt for a woman what I'm feeling for you. I know you're my resident and we're not allowed to…'

I bowed my head, realizing my words were too inadequate to express how I felt about Meredith.

_What was I doing? I was scaring her off before I even had a chance to get to know her. But I realized I couldn't help myself!_

'_I think, I'm in love with you too!'_

The words sounded like a whisper but I'd heard them clearly.

One heartbeat. Two heartbeats. Three…

I felt her small hand entwine with mine causing me to look up.

'Derek…?'

'Yes,' I asked nervously.

'…Could you kiss me?'

I smiled and couldn't help but shake my head in amazement. But then I pulled Meredith beneath me and we kissed. This kiss between us was different…it felt symbolic in some way. For me, the kiss made it official; I loved Meredith Webber and she loved me back.

**_Meredith's POV_**

The sun was already fully risen as I pulled up at the house I'd called home since my mom had taken me home after giving birth to me. My gaze took in its cozy exterior. It had always been my sanctuary compared to some of the dumps I'd lived in during med school. I walked up the porch and was raising my hand to insert my key in the lock when I heard a car door slam behind me and a familiar voice sounded, '…And where have you been young lady?'

My heart crashed against my ribs as I turned towards my dad. 'Hey dad.'

'Don't act as if nothing happened…where have you spent the night?'

'Sorry…er…dad,' I tried not to stumble over my words but I did anyway. I stared at my dad for a few moments, wondering if he and my mom had been very worried.

'I spent the night at Der…at Doctor Shepherd's place,' I said, lowering my voice to a whisper. 'I had a little bit too much whine last night and he forbid me to drive so I stayed at his place.'

'Oh, OK then…,' my dad murmured while he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, 'I'm glad Derek was sensible enough not to let you drive.'

I shut my eyes when I heard the relief in my dad's voice and I almost wished I hadn't lied.

'Dad…?' I opened my eyes and fixed my dad with an apologetic gaze but then the front door opened abruptly.

'There you are. Both of you,' my mom boasted.

'Hi mom,' I mumbled while I quickly slipped past her and rushed up the stairs.

'_Meredith_?' My mom yelled after me.

'It's OK Ellis…I'll explain, I heard my dad say while he kissed my mom's cheek. Relieved to be in the safe confines of my bedroom, I dropped onto the bed and let out a sigh. My insides were knotted with knowing what my mind was only now willing to accept; _I'd lied to my parents_. Regret kneaded my stomach and lying on my side, I cried silently with my eyes closed. But despite my tears, I knew one thing for sure. They…or at least my mom, would never approve my relationship with Derek Shepherd and since I was not willing to give him up, I was forced to hide the truth.

When I heard a knock on my door, I quickly wiped away my tears and jumped from the bed.

'Come in?'

My mom entered my bedroom and I nervously lifted my gaze to see her in her perfectly fitting doctor's coat.

'Next time, you call a cab,' she scowled at me. 'What if anyone saw you and Shepherd together. You're his resident Meredith. It's not appropriate that you spent time together outside the hospital.'

'He wanted to tell me the details of a clinical trial he's planning,' I stumbled in defense.

_Another lie_.

My mom chuckled sarcastically. 'That would be a first. Just remember what I said.'

'OK mom,' I sighed while I grabbed a towel and headed into my bathroom. For now, all I wanted was to get to the hospital.

**_Derek's POV_**

Owen Hunts' low voice echoed down the hallway as I watched Meredith and her fellow residents while they were given their daily assignments. I was supposed to be taking advantage of the early morning quietness to be reviewing my charts but Meredith was giggling with Cristina and being very distractive. I grunted to myself and returned my attention back to the charts in front of me but Meredith's contagious giggle echoed down the hallway again and I automatically flicked my gaze back to her. She stretched her arms above her head and I caught a glimpse of her lower back. A soft moan escaped me; I remembered that part of her body closely; she was very sensitive there because I vividly remembered her moans when I'd kissed my way up her spine.

When I realized my attention had been drawn from my charts again, I silently cursed under my breath. Six hours without Meredith and already I wanted to touch her so badly, I could hardly see straight. The words on my charts blurred again and I threw down my pen in disgust.

'Derek?' Can I have a word with you?'

I turned around and found Ellis Grey in my doorway, looking at me as if she saw me for the first time; a deep, penetrating look.

'Sure Chief, what can I do for you,' I began as casually as I could but at the same time wondering what Meredith had told her about our previous night.

'You're my daughter's teacher,' she told me formally, '…I don't think it's appropriate to take a resident out to dinner.' Only a trace of irritation showed in the sound of Ellis' voice but I could sense she was very serious.

'I'm sorry Ellis,' I sighed wearily. 'It wasn't my attention to embarrass the hospital…or you but Meredith has proven to be a very promising Neuro student. I just wanted to get to know her better as a person.'

With a muffled 'Hurrumph,' Ellis turned on her heel and left me alone with my thoughts.

'_Derek_?'

I looked up and found Meredith, standing in my doorway. She peeked over her shoulder, nervously fidgeting with her fingers.

'What did my mom want from you?

I rose from behind my desk and sat down on its edge, 'Don't worry…she just needed to rant.'

Meredith's face contorted in muted warning, 'Derek, if she knew about us, she'd throw a fit. Maybe it's better if we nip this in the butt…,' She nervously peeked over her shoulder again. I just shook my head and grabbed her hand, starting to guide her into the nearest X-ray room. She turned around, looking at me with a pleading gaze and suddenly I felt this explicable desire to protect her. I cupped her shoulders, my thumbs gently kneading her flesh. 'It seems to me that you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. I gazed steadily into Meredith's eyes. 'I really think you should slow down and try not to be so jumpy.' My glance moved over Meredith, searching her face, 'You know I'm here for you whenever you need me.' Bewildered, she looked up at me, her lips parted in a quivering uncertainty.

'Derek, I'm sorry,' she began, a frown working its way up into her brow. 'I know you're right but you don't know my mom like I do. All that counts for my mom is the hospital…and my dad,' she added softly.

I drew Meredith closer to me, my head lowering so my forehead gently touched hers. 'We ought to be able to work this out. Let me help Meredith. What if I start a clinical trial to treat incurable brain tumors. If we succeed Seattle Grace Hospital will be known all over the country. Your mom will thrive on our success.'

Meredith gazed up at me, confusion clouding her eyes. I groaned and narrowed the small space that was between us. Whatever she was thinking, my glance went to her mouth and then in a breathtaking instant my lips found hers and we were kissing…lightly at first but then with growing passion. Meredith responded with tremulous need, clinging to me. I felt the thunder of her heartbeat beneath my fingers and my own heart was keeping time with hers, thudding out of control.

The clatter of a gurney outside the x-ray door caused her to break away from me. 'We can't do this…not in here,' Meredith said raggedly.

'_Meredith_?'

'I should get back to work.' She was about to back out of the X-ray room but then she turned around and quickly gave me a peck on my cheek.

'I hope your plan will work,' she whispered before she dashed out of the X-ray room...

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><p><strong>To be continued in chapter 8<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

_Pain comes in all forms; the small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains that we live with every day. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else; makes the rest of your world fade away until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain; we anaesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it... and for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it. Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it, and life always makes more._

_Quote by Meredith Grey_

* * *

><p><em>Derek's POV<em>

Absorbed in plans for my future clinical trial, I sat in an empty on call room when my cell buzzed in my scrub pants, quite jolting me a bit. I pulled out my cell and rested my elbows on the table as I read the sent text:

**Thought you should know Addison delivered a healthy baby boy. His name is Henry. I'm sorry things went as they did. It never was our intention to hurt you. **

**Mark**

Clenching my jaw, I opened the attached file. It was a picture of Addison. Her face was sweaty and her hair a mess. She had a bloody smudge on her left cheek but she was looking at the baby in her arms like it was the most precious thing in the entire world. I swallowed hard because despite I had found love again, this news hurt like hell. I closed my cell and tossed it on the table as my heart painfully clenched in my chest. This was hard…primitive; full of raw human emotion and I knew it was impossible not to feel connected with my ex-wife. She had always wanted a baby. Trying to push what I had just seen out of my mind, I closed my eyes but my efforts were meaningless; Addison had been my family. We had been married for 11 years. That had been 11 Thanksgiving's, 11 birthdays and 11 Christmas's. In the beginning of our marriage we had often discussed having a baby but the more successful we got at work, the less we talked about having a child and the last seven years of our marriage I'd spent buried in work, trying to forget the mess we'd made of it.

A distant siren broke my train of thought and I was quite thankful for the reprieve from memory lane. Opening my eyes, I tried to block out the pain that was slowly leaking in to me. Glancing at my cell, my thumb automatically went to the delete button. I had already pushed it when I changed my mind. With a groan, I switched to the 'deleted' folder and retrieved the message, saving it in my private section.

* * *

><p><em>Meredith's POV<em>

We sat at the breakfast table when I summoned all my courage and took in a deep breath.

'Mom. Dad? Can we talk? It's a serious matter,' I began.

'What is it, Meredith?' My dad said friendly.

'I…I don't quite know where to start,' I mumbled after a second of hesitation.

'Come on Meredith…spit it out,' My mom said, her tone full of impatience.

'OK…,' I took in another deep breath, '…I want to ask you if Lexie can move in with us. She'll be released from the hospital soon and since she has no one, I thought, she…'

'Absolutely not,' my mom said without letting me finish.

'But Lexie is my sister, mom…_we have the same blood_,' I yelled, '…and she has no one else.'

'Ellis? Can't we consider it? Lexie _**is**_ after all Meredith's sister. The house is big enough and…'

'Richard? Haven't I made myself clear? I'm not taking in my ex-husband's child. Lexie is 21. She is old enough to live on her own,' my mom said defensively.

'I am 27 and you haven't allowed me to live on my own,' I yelled in anger.

'_Meredith_…,' my mom lowered her voice but not losing her dismissive tone. '…I'm not allowing it and that's final.'

'Then I'm moving out…I'll rent an apartment with Lexie. I've made a promise to my sister and I'm keeping it,' I said stubbornly while I pushed back my chair and left the breakfast table.

'_Meredith_?' I heard my dad call after me while I ran up the stairs. I entered my bedroom, slamming the door behind me hard enough to shake the paintings in the living room but frankly, I didn't care. Letting out a frustrated groan, I leaned against the closed door but only for a second. Grabbing a towel, I headed into my bathroom, turning on the shower. I undressed and stepped under the lukewarm spray, letting it run over my heated face. I reached up my hand and wiped my eyes, replaying what just had happened; my mom had practically thrown me out of the house. I moaned in frustration again as I massaged shampoo through my hair, trying to make a decision where to live with Lexie.

I had just rinsed my hair when I felt a sudden pang of guilt because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt my dad. He was a great guy. I shut the water off and wrapped my body in my towel before going back to my room to get dressed. I put on a clean pair of jeans and a purple shirt, letting my hair fall on my shoulders to air-dry.

I opened my bedroom door and listened intently but the house was quiet. I checked my watch and nodded; mom and dad had probably left for the hospital. I tiptoed down the stairs when I heard noises coming from the kitchen. I walked inside and found my dad at the stove.

'_Dad_?'

He turned around and smiled.

'Oh, hi sweetie,' he said, looking a bit dazzled.

'What are you doing dad?' I asked.

He sighed wearily and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. 'Your mom and I have had a huge fight. I wanted to make it up by impressing her with a nice meal, tonight,' he said, sounding a bit defeated. I raised my eyebrows and kneeled in front of him.

'Dad? Was it about me?'

'Yes,' he nodded, kissing me on my forehead.

'Oh…dad, I'm sorry,' I stammered while I threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

'Don't worry honey. Your mom just had to blow off steam. Things between us will clear up; they always do. It's just; I don't want you to leave.'

'Dad? I love you and mom very much but I'm old enough to live on my own,' I said slowly.

_Now's your chance to tell him the other thing; the thought flashed through my mind like a bolt of lightning._

'Dad? There's something else I haven't told you…yet.' I began slightly nervous.

My dad's head shot up from where he was sitting at the kitchen table. 'What is it sweetie? You know you can tell me everything.'

I swallowed hard and turned my head up close to my dad's and simply said it; '_Dad…I'm in love_.'

Somehow, I felt safe enough to tell my dad because it wasn't his style to judge other people's personal business.

'…with Derek Shepherd,' my dad said while he nodded. A soft gasp escaped me and my hand flew up to my mouth. 'H…how do you know?'

'Come on Meredith, I saw the way you two looked at each other at the restaurant,' my dad smiled.

'Does mom know?' I asked.

'No.'

Tears started to well up in my eyes. 'Oh dad! He's great! But mom will never allow it.'

My dad hugged me tightly, 'Just give it time Meredith. I'll do whatever I can to help you.'

'Thanks dad,' I murmured while I buried my head in the crook of his neck.

'Now, come on,' my dad said while he rose from his chair. 'It's time to get to the hospital.'

'What about you fixing dinner for mom?' I smiled.

'I'm taking her out,' my dad smirked.

**…...**

A huge accident at a construction site kept me occupied all morning and I couldn't remember the last time, the ER had been so busy. It was full with men who'd been unfortunate enough to fall from scaffolding or getting crushed under heavy bricks or machinery. At a certain point, I got the feeling Derek was avoiding me because I hadn't seen much of him. He'd rarely stopped to talk to me, other than when it had been absolutely necessary where patients were concerned. Feeling slightly confused, I went to the cafeteria for my lunch break.

'Here, have some of this,' Cristina said, handing me a steaming mug, 'You look as though you need it.'

'Thanks,' I mumbled taking it from her and clasping my fingers thankfully around the bowl.

'Are you OK?' Cristina asked softly. 'You look like crap.'

I shook my head and quickly swallowed the lump that started to form in my throat. A frown appeared between Cristina's perfect brows and with a small nod, she gestured me to follow her. She opened the door to an empty on call room and together we sat down on the lower bunk bed.

'What is it, Mer?' she asked.

I told her what had happened that morning and to my surprise, a small smile curled her lips.

'It's not funny Cristina.'

'No…that's not…crap. Listen Mer; the apartment next to me is coming available by the end of the month. It would be perfect!'

'What? Really…?' My mind started racing while thinking of all the possibilities Cristina's suggestion presented. The idea of renting an apartment next to her sounded very appealing.

'Is it big enough for two people?' I asked, slightly out of breath.

'Sure?' Cristina nodded. 'Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a large living, separate kitchen and plenty of storage room.'

**…...**

'_Could you two keep it down a bit? I'm trying to get some sleep up here_,' a sleepy voice came from the top bunk bed, startling Cristina and me.

'Er…sorry Doctor Shepherd. We didn't know someone was in here,' Cristina said while she flew up from the bed.

'Doctor Webber? Can I have a word with you?' Derek swung his legs over de side of the top bunk and with a soft thud, he jumped to the floor.

'Sure. Go ahead Cristina…I'll catch you later OK?' I gave her a short nod with my head and while mumbling under her breath, Cristina left the on call room.

'What can I do for you Doctor Shepherd?' Nervously, I pushed a strand of hair from my cheek, not knowing what to expect after this morning. Derek ignored my formalness and halted in front of me, 'I'm glad you're here with me,' he said in a soft voice.

Lifting my head in amazement, I gazed wide-eyed at Derek, 'You haven't said a word to me all morning and now it is…_I'm glad you're here with me. _I'm sorry but I'm a little confused. Yesterday you've showed me heaven and this morning, I'm getting the cold shoulder.'

I grabbed the door handle and tried pulling the door open but to my surprise Derek was quicker than me; he pushed his body against my back, preventing me from yanking open the door. Don't go,' he mumbled. '…Please stay!'

I felt my bottom lip tremble in anger. 'No, I wanna leave. You're not the only with problems, you know?'

I tried moving around Derek but he stepped in front of the door, blocking my exit.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered, 'I never meant to take my bad mood out on you.' He moved even closer so I could feel his body heat enveloping me; his warm breath on my face. I watched him as he gently pushed back a lock of hair from my face, his hand cupping my jaw, his thumb stroking down my chin.

'I'm really sorry,' he whispered.

He was staring at my mouth and I swallowed to moisten my lips as he pulled me closer to him.

'And you think, this makes up for everything,' I croaked.

'I hope so,' Derek mumbled, his gaze not leaving my mouth. He was so close near my mouth, I could almost taste him.

'You forgive me?' He whispered.

I nodded, not sure I could articulate a response because Derek's intense gaze on my mouth was breathtakingly erotic.

'I love you,' Derek groaned as he claimed my lips. All rational thoughts and reasons for not doing what we were doing in an empty on call room disappeared as I wrapped my arms around his neck and he plundered my mouth.

* * *

><p><em>Derek's POV<em>

I slowly backed Meredith against the door, quickly locking it when the scent of her lavender conditioner filled my senses, igniting my desire even higher. My need to touch her naked skin was frantic and I yanked my scrub shirt higher and over my head. A soft moan escaped me when I felt her hands on my bare waist.

'Derek, we can't…not in here?'

_No, actually we couldn't_. But I wasn't able to stop and I sensed, neither was she. My abdominal muscles contracted as she ran her hands across my belly.

'I know,' I whispered. '…but I don't care. I need you.' I carefully watched Meredith, giving her a chance to pull back but she remained where she was. She bit her bottom lip and her gaze proved her surrender. I smiled and slowly pulled her scrub shirt over her head. My breathing became harsh as my gaze roamed over her and I watched how her nipples beaded beneath the fabric of her white bra.

'I wanna touch you,' I whispered as my finger followed the swell of her breast. With one deft movement I pushed the soft cup aside and stroked her engorged nipple. Meredith softly moaned and I lowered my head to claim her mouth.

_God, how I needed her. _

'I want you,' I whispered against her mouth, my voice hoarse with desire. This whole sneaking around in one of the hospital's on call rooms, made me crazy and everything inside me burned. My loins were on fire, my chest bursting with the pounding of my heart.

'Mmm…Derek,' Meredith moaned as I jerked aside her other bra cup and my lips closed over the engorged tip. She plunged a hand into my hair, pressing me closer, arching her back, urging me to take more.

* * *

><p><em>Meredith's POV<em>

Everywhere ached, everywhere yearned. The tingling between my thighs was almost unbearable and I reached for Derek's pants, impatient to feel him inside me. I softly moaned as my hand found his hard length. I gently squeezed him and Derek groaned in my neck. Slowly, I slid my hand up and down a few times. Almost immediately, his hands were on my hips as he pulled down my scrub pants and panties.

'Hurry, I panted as he pushed down his and guided his hardness towards my heat. Derek lifted me, his hands cupping my buttocks, fitting me against him. My legs clamped around his waist and he pushed me hard against the door for better leverage. He entered me in one decisive stroke, swallowing my whimper with his mouth as he seared my lips with his. He groaned as I enveloped him with my tightness.

Derek opened his eyes and eased himself away from me slightly, looking down at me. My breasts, partially released from their cotton prisons, were swollen and moist from his ministrations and still I sensed he wanted more.

Derek groaned and sheathed himself again in my tight, moist depth.

'Mmm…Derek,' I whispered, fixing him with my gaze as I clutched his shoulders, his entry rocking my back against the door. I pulled his head down and claimed his mouth in a passionate kiss and he slid into me…over and over and over again. I could feel my internal muscles start to tense and tighten around Derek. He groaned and I knew he felt it too. Derek lifted his head and our gazes locked as our bodies moved to a simultaneous rhythm. Higher and higher…closer and closer. I fought against the rise. It swelled up and I beat it back, wanting to cherish the moment for as long as I could. I wanted it to last.

Derek groaned again. He lowered his head to my breasts and sucked each nipple deep into his mouth. He grunted at my strangled gasp and looked into my eyes. I was walking a fine line between pleasure and pain and I knew he wanted to, needed to, feel me come apart in his arms. He buried his face in my neck, his forehead against the door.

I moaned Derek's name as my orgasm rushed forward, unable to be held back after so much denial. I bucked against the door (wishing no one would walk down the hallway), my back arching and then Derek's release joined mine and I simply couldn't think anymore. Derek held me tight as he rocked me against the door until there was nothing left, until we were both breathless and completely spent.

'Are you OK?' Derek whispered tenderly.

I could barely speak or wrap my head around our explosion of passion so I nodded, 'I…I think so.'

'Shhh,' Derek soothed, adjusting us so he could swing me in his arms. He lowered me gently onto the lower bunk, lying beside me, pulling me against him spoon fashion.

* * *

><p><strong>Too much sex? ;-)<strong>

**To be continued in the next chapter**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

_Meredith's POV_

'_This is it, dear_!'

I looked around curiously. The living room wasn't very big but it was light and somehow, it looked spacious because of its large windows and the lack of furniture. To my left were two bedrooms. I opened the door to the first one and against the far brick wall stood a wooden four poster bed scattered with bright blue pillows and a soft fur blanket. To my right was a tall window, taking up half the length of the wall and outside was a small balcony overlooking the Elliot bay. The rest of the walls were a pleasant ash white with light blue curtains fluttering at the window. Straight across from me was another door, which I assumed was the bathroom. I scanned it quickly, immediately loving it, with its walk-in shower, bath tub and sink.

'This is great but I…I can never afford it.' I stammered while my eyes scanned the cozy bedroom again.

Mrs. Hudson, Cristina's landlady who'd accompanied me to the apartment, named the price of the rent and I nearly called out in my joy and amazement.

'OK, I'm taking it!'

'Alright dear,' Mrs. Hudson said, 'It's nice that you've decided to move in. Apartment 28C is a really lovely apartment but people often take it as too small.'

'I think it's perfect for me and my sister,' I replied with a satisfied smile.

Mrs. Hudson gently patted my arm, 'So miss Webber…?'

'Please call me Meredith,' I interrupted her.

The landlady smiled, 'of course, Meredith….Are you also taking the bedroom furniture, dear?'

Mrs. Hudson left while I checked out the rest of the apartment. The second bedroom had a high vaulted ceiling with a soaring corner window with white plantation shutters. A braided rug was lying on the beautiful wooden floor and a big comfy bed with large pillows stood against the gorgeous exposed brick wall. Slowly, I walked over to the bed. I sat down and rested my head on the large, soft pillows. Closing my eyes, it seemed as if an eternity passed while the massive pillows surrounded my head like warm marshmallows taken from an open fire pit; this was definitely my future bedroom.

Derek was chatting with my dad and Owen Hunt about post-operation procedures while I was waiting in front of the elevator. Derek's voice slightly sidetracked my attention because our night together still featured regularly in my daydreams. For a moment, I closed my eyes to chase away the vivid image of Derek naked in that large, cozy bed with its soft pillows but then Cristina walked by. She caught my eye and smiled, giving me a saucy wink and I slightly paled. _Could she read my mind_?

'You OK?' Cristina asked as we were waiting for the elevator together. 'You looked kind of day dreamy; like you're having a secret or something.'

I blushed again, and my hand automatically touched my burning cheek. Cristina and I had gotten to know each other reasonably well over the last few months but it was too soon to tell her about Derek and me, so I cleared my throat.

'Nah…it's just…Cristina? I've done it!' I smiled when I turned to her.

'You did what?'

'I've rented the apartment next to you.'

'You DID…but that's GREAT, 'Cristina yelped, drawing the men's attention.

Squinting at the screeching sound of her voice, I pressed a finger to my lips, 'Shh…calm down. I haven't told my parents yet.'

Cristina looked up at me, her mouth curling into a wide smile. 'We're gonna be neighbors,' she whispered. I giggled while I shot a quick glance at Derek. He was looking at me and almost unnoticeably gave me a nod with his head. My dad also stared at me with his gentle eyes and I caught myself smiling as a tore my gaze away from Derek.

* * *

><p><em>Derek's POV<em>

I was in OR 3, telling the anesthesiologist how long the surgery would last, when Meredith walked in.

'Hello Doctor Shepherd' she said, '…you called for me'?

'Hey,' I gave her a polite smile, reminding myself that I needed to act professionally around her.

'Doctor Webber, what do you know about choanal Atresia?' I asked while the anesthesiologist adjusted his equipment.

'A baby's nasal passage is blocked by bone or tissue, so it can't breathe properly, 'Meredith recited thoroughly. 'Are you operating on one?'

I shook my head, 'Today, they brought in a little boy; Ryan, six months old…both his nasal passages are blocked and he has trouble breathing. Doctor Robbins has scheduled his operation for tomorrow. She asked me to scrub in. Would you like to join us?'

'Of course,' Meredith nodded with sparkling eyes.

'OK…then come on. Doctor Robbins is in surgery, we'll have to inform the parents.'

By the time we'd reached the children's ward, I had told Meredith the full patient history. I opened the door room 4226 and introduced Meredith to the boy's parents.

'Oh, he's so beautiful,' Meredith said softly, stroking the baby's cheek and smiling at his mother, 'You must be so proud of him.'

'We are!' Ryan's mother bit her lip. 'But…'

'…You're worried about the operation,' Meredith said quickly. '…Let me assure you that have absolutely nothing to worry about. Doctor Robbins and Doctor Shepherd are excellent surgeons.'

'The operation takes about an hour,' I continued. 'It's under a general anesthesia so you won't be able to be with him during the operation, but you're welcome to wait here on the ward or in the cafeteria. We'll come and find you as soon as Ryan is out of the OR.'

'…so you can cuddle him,' Meredith completed my sentence.

'We can touch him afterwards?' Ryan's mother asked.

'Certainly,' Meredith assured her.

Ryan's mother sighed and turned to hug her husband.

'We'll come and see you tomorrow,' I promised. 'If you need anything…just ask.'

Ryan's parents, clearly overwhelmed just nodded as I gently took Meredith's arm and guided her out of the room.

'_**You**_,' I smiled. '…are brilliant. Thanks for your help with Ryan's parents.'

Meredith shrugged, 'It's just my job.'

'That's not how it comes across Meredith. You really care,' I said softly while I brought up my hand to stroke her cheek.

'_Derek_?' Meredith blushed and shyly glanced over her shoulder. '…Not here…what if my mother…'

Grabbing Meredith by her wrist, I reeled her in, pulling her into an empty on call room.

'Is it OK if I kiss you in here?'

'Maybe we should save the kissing for later,' she said softly while she swallowed hard.

'But I really need to kiss you right now,' I said gently. I stepped toward Meredith, wanted to pull her into my arms. She looked determent but I needed to touch her. Slowly, I took another step and another. When she didn't draw back, I reached for her. She moved easily in my embrace, her head coming to rest on my shoulder, a sigh escaping her. I felt her trembling.

_Was I trembling too? I didn't know but there obviously was a strong physical attraction between us. _

When Meredith lifted her head, I lowered mine and our lips met. A small moan escaped her and the need for more intimacy filled me at once. I reached up to cup Meredith's breast and she swayed against me, her hardened nipple abrading my palm through her scrub shirt. I felt I was already hard, more than ready to make to love to her but we couldn't…not now.

'I'm sorry,' I murmured against her lips when I removed my hand from her breast.

'Me too.'

'Maybe we can see each other later at my apartment?' She suddenly softly said while she straightened her scrubs.

I stared in astonishment at Meredith, 'At your apartment?'

Meredith's mouth curled up in a wide smile and a twinkle played in her eyes. 'Yes…my apartment. I'm moving out of my parent's house.'

Smiling, I nodded in approval, 'I'd love to see your apartment,' I said.

* * *

><p><em>Meredith's POV<em>

'OK, I'll her…thanks Doctor Torres,' I said while putting down the phone's receiver and looking at my not amused sister.

Lexie shook her head, 'I'm not leaving here.'

'Sweetie, you've made a full recovery. It's time to leave the hospital. Doctor Robbins is planning to release you this Friday,' I softly said.

Lexie sighed. 'I know…she told me. But I'm not ready yet. My chest still hurts and sometimes, I get these palpatations.'

'Lexie…'

'Meredith, I'm scared. Tears slowly started sliding down Lexie's face.

'Oh, Lexie…,' I sat down on the foot of her bed pulling her into my arms. '…you don't have to be scared.' I wiped away Lexie's tears as I pulled away.

'I'm not going anywhere. You're fine and the first sign something is wrong, I'll bring you back to the hospital. I promise,' I whispered.

'I know,' Lexie sighed as she leaned her forehead against mine. '…but I don't know where to go. You said it yourself that your mom doesn't approve me living with you. I'm not going back to that…dump,' Lexie cried again.

I smild and I leaned forward and tilted Lexie's chin, 'you're coming home with me Lex. I'v rented an apartment downtown. We can move in next Friday. I haven't bought furniture yet but the bedrooms are complete with beds and all. I hope you like a four poster bed?'

Lexie squinted her eyes at me, not expecting this, '_w…what_?'

I nodded as I squeezed Lexie's hand, 'you're my sister and I'm gonna take care of me…and YOU. I've lived my whole life with my parents. It's time to live on my own…well, together with you sis. You want to?'

'I'd love to,' Lexie whispered while her face lit up with a smile.

'Now, I just have to tell my parents,' I said when a sick feeling started in the pit of my stomach.

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued...<strong>

Have ideas for this fic? Please let them know!


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**A nice, hot chapter to get you through the day.**

**Love, McJinx**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

**_Meredith's POV_**

My dad looked around my new apartment. 'Mmm… quite nice, a bit small maybe. You know what honey? You don't have to move out. Your mom and I can talk again and…'

'No dad…it's time!' I cut him off, trying to hide my quivering voice by quickly clearing my throat. My dad also swallowed visibly but then he turned around and looked through the large living room window, 'What time does your new furniture arrive?'

'Today, around 4PM,' I replied.

My dad turned around and shrugged. 'Well, I guess I can't change your mind…can I?'

At this I chuckled, 'No dad…I love you and mom very much but it's time I learn how to stand on my own two feet. And I'm not all by myself…I have Lexie…_and Derek_,' I added in thought. My dad smiled and pulled me closer, wrapping his big arms around me, 'Just know that we love you very much and if you need anything…and Meredith…I do mean anything, just call OK? Oh, and by the way, your mom was very sorry she couldn't be here but…'

'Seattle Grace…,' I smiled.

'You've said it.' My dad chuckled amusingly.

Arm in arm, we stepped into the hallway where my dad pushed the elevator button. When it dinged, he kissed my forehead and waved before the elevator doors slowly slid shut. Biting my bottom lip, I hurried back to my apartment. My dad was right, it wasn't very big but it was comfortable and most important, it was mine and gave me my first real taste of freedom!

Satisfied, I glanced around. It had taken me a few days before I'd bought enough furniture to be able to move in, but now, surrounded by half empty moving boxes, I would be spending my first night in my own place. Smiling, I plopped down on my new gray corner sofa, leaning forward to lift up another moving box when the pain hit. A feeling of pure nausea swept over me and I took in a deep breath.

_Was this a tension headache?_

I loosened my hair and massaged my scalp to improve the blood flow to it. Taking in deep breaths, I got up from the sofa grabbing my bag for some Tylenol. Half an hour and the headache and nausea would be gone. Thinking about it, I realized I'd had a few headaches combined with nausea lately. Shrugging my shoulders, I swallowed two Tylenol. It was probably my body's way of telling me to slow it down a bit…that was all.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Derek's POV<em>**

**…**

'So Mrs. Turner hasn't turned up for her appointment? Has she left a message? I asked, a bit impatient.

'No Doctor Shepherd, 'April Kepner mumbled.

'I'll give her five more minutes…if she's not here then I want you to call her.'

'Sure Doctor Shepherd.'

I'd booked an appointment with Mrs. Turner to review her medication for Alzheimer's disease. Though Mrs. Turner had had great difficulty even admitting there was problem with her mind, I had a gut feeling she was suffering with depression too; a condition that often ran alongside Alzheimer's disease.

'Doctor Shepherd? Mrs. Hudson just called. She wanted me to let you know she'll come in tomorrow with her son. She forgot all about the appointment.'

I nodded, glancing at my watch, 'OK…Let's call it a day then. See you tomorrow Doctor Kepner.'

**…**

I hadn't seen Meredith all day because she'd taken the day off to move out of her parent's house and into her new apartment. Pulling away from Seattle Grace's parking lot, I couldn't help myself but my car almost automatically steered itself to her new place. I had decided, I wouldn't keep her long…just long enough to tempt her into having dinner with me tonight. Smiling at the thought, I ran up the stairs of her building, rapping on her door.

'Come in,' she called, '…it's open.'

I closed the front door behind me and entered the cozy living room, my smile almost immediately fading from my face.

_Maybe I was imagining it but Meredith looked pale and tired_.

'Derek? What a nice surprise…I thought you were working the late shift?'

'No…I switched with Doctor Nelson. I thought I'd come over and see my favorite resident. See if she wanted to have dinner with me tonight?' I said and then adding, '…don't yell at me for worrying, but you look a little pale. Are you OK?'

'I'm fine.'

Meredith's tone was a little flat and I didn't believe her right away. 'Are you nauseous?'

'Mmm…and a slight headache,' she mumbled.

'Have you taken something?'

'Two Tylenol.'

Meredith got up from her sofa, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing my cheek. 'Don't worry Derek…I'm probably just sleep-deprived,' she grinned.

_Yes, and I knew why…because when we were together, we often couldn't keep our hands off each other. _

My mouth curved at the thought. 'I'm sorry,' I mumbled, turning my face slightly, so her cheek slid against mine. I sighed and then our mouths were touching, lightly. Tentatively. One small kiss. And another…and another. And then Meredith's mouth opened beneath mine, letting me deepen the kiss.

'It's you,' I whispered, nuzzling the curve of her neck. 'I can't help myself when I'm around you.' I brushed my mouth against Meredith's. Another light kiss, gentle…sweet but it blew my self-control away. I pulled her shirt from her jeans and stroked the naked, soft skin of her back.

'_Derek?'_

Meredith's voice was no more than a whisper but I stopped instantly. 'I'm sorry,' I whispered.

She stroked my face. 'That's not what I meant.'

I met her gaze and was rewarded with a glint of mischief.

'What do you mean?' I mumbled my voice almost hoarse with longing.

'If you're planning to undress me…?'

I groaned, all the blood in my body going south at the thought of her naked.

'…then I think it's best you do it in my bedroom. My living room has large windows…you know?'

Grinning, I nodded, picking Meredith up in my arms and carrying her to her bedroom.

'So much for dinner,' she teased, nibbling at my earlobe. Inside her bedroom, I set her back down on her feet, making sure every part of her body slid against mine. Biting her bottom lip, she took one step backwards, pushing down her jeans and getting rid of her ratty Dartmouth T-shirt. Swallowing hard, I quivered. Meredith's underwear was black and lacy. I stepped forward, ready to take her into my arms but she held up a warning finger and shook her head.

'Uh-uh…your turn.'

'Why don't you do it,' I whispered, taking a step forward, halting right in front of her. She giggled and tugged at the hem of my sweater. I lifted my arms to make it easier for her and when she undid the buttons of my jeans, I slid the straps of her bra down her arms.

'Touch me,' Meredith whispered huskily.

I let her bra drop to the floor and then my fingers touched her soft, smooth skin. Meredith gave a soft murmur of surprise as I tipped her onto the bed, dropping to my knees beside her at the same time.

'God…you're beautiful,' I breathed. Slowly I kissed her, trailing my tongue down the valley between her small but perfect breasts. I kissed them and finally took one hard nipple into my mouth sucking gently. Meredith's fingers threaded through my hair, urging me on as I kissed my way down her body. She was letting out little whimpers of pleasure and I could tell how shallow and fast her breathing was.

I nuzzled lower. Stroking her thighs, sliding one finger under the hem of her panties, I knew, she was warm and wet and ready for me, just like I was for her. The look in her eyes was enough as I slowly pulled down her panties.

'Make love to me Derek?' She begged.

Nodding, I pulled her up, turning her to the side of the bed where I sat with my feet on the floor. She immediately understood what I intended and straddled my lap. As she stood with her legs on either side of my knees, our gazes locked. Slowly, building the anticipation, she lowered herself, guiding my hard erection inside her. We both gasped at the joining but then she surged upward and came down on me again. Instead of allowing her to continue her sweet assault, I pressed my hands against her thighs, holding her in place, my gaze locking with her's.

'I love you,' I whispered, swallowing hard.

'I love you…too,' she managed to say. I smiled, letting go of thighs and Meredith moved upward again, frantic to bring us both to completion. Leaning backward, I reached down with one hand, gently stroking her most sensitive part with my thumb, while I used my other hand to caress her breasts. The double pleasure I created, caused an explosion that flashed through her and she gasped as an overwhelming orgasm took her. I groaned out loud as I followed her moments after. For a long time, we clung to each other. Finally, I helped her off my lap and settled her in bed. Pulling up the covers, I laid down beside her, cradling her in my arms.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Meredith's POV<em>**

I lay on my side, curled into Derek's body, my head pillowed on his shoulder. I had no idea what time it was and frankly I didn't care. My moving boxes could wait. Right now, I was where I wanted to be; in my own bed, wrapped in Derek's arms; skin to skin; breathing in the pure, masculine scent of his body.

Derek was a considerate lover. He made sure he'd found exactly where and how I liked to be touched…all the places that made me moan. And although I hadn't been a virgin, I might as well have been before I'd met him because making love with Derek was like nothing I'd ever experienced with a man before.

'Are you OK?' He asked softly.

'Mmm.' I snuggled closer to him, not really wanting to talk.

'Good.' Derek stroked my hair. 'Do you want me to stay the night?'

_Spend the night with Derek?_

_More love-making?_

As if Derek guessed what I was thinking, he softly said, 'I wanna be with you Meredith. I want us to spend as much time as possible together. I want to sit in the back row of a cinema with you and an enormous bucket of popcorn. I want to walk hand in hand with you and watch ferryboats. Kiss you in a secluded corner. Drive out to whine country with you and watch the stars, and then I wanna take you home to see them all over again when we make love.' Derek paused. '…and one day I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you. I wanna built us a house. I wanna settle down and grow old with you. I wanna die when I'm a hundred and ten years old…in your arms.'

My eyes slowly filled with tears. Derek wanted me to be his wife. He wanted to make love to me and see stars. I turned around in his arms and he traced my lower lip with his thumb.

'Yes…to all of the above,' I mumbled, leaning over to kiss him. It was meant to be a goodnight kiss but before I knew what was happening, he rolled me onto my back, kneeling between my thighs and sliding deep into me for the second time that night.

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued in the next chapter...<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Hi y'all,**

**I loved writing this new chapter. Don't freak out but let me take you down this road. I promise, I'll hold your hand!**

**Love, McJinx**

* * *

><p>Chapter 11<p>

**_Derek's POV_**

Standing in an empty exam room, I was looking at scans illuminated on the viewing box; the enormity of tomorrow's surgery staring me in the face. A large brain tumor covered with multiple wispy fibers. This one would take me hours, at least twelve if everything went successfully. I sighed, switching off the light and removing the scans, checking my watch; 11 AM. My outpatient clinic was over for the day and I had time to inform Mr. Albright about the risky surgery that lay ahead of him.

On my way to the patient's room, I passed the nurses' station where Meredith sat, reviewing charts. She looked up when I passed and smiled but somehow her half-smile bothered me. It was as though she was making an effort but it was almost too much for her. I turned on my heels and walked back to her.

'Hey,' I said softly, '…are you OK?'

'I'm fine,' she mumbled but the look in her eyes told me otherwise.

'Are you nauseous again?' I asked.

'Stop hovering Derek,' Meredith sighed.

'I will if you answer my question,' I insisted.

She sighed again. 'Yes but it's because I'm tired.'

_Warning bells started going off in the back of my head. Meredith was nauseous a lot lately…_

'Have you had your eyes checked lately?'

'Six months ago…and I have perfect vision.'

_So it wasn't that she needed glasses._

'Are you also experiencing some pain?' I asked while I kneeled down in front of her.

She closed her eyes momentarily and when she looked down at me, she softly said, 'My head…all over.'

'Meredith? This is not normal…let me check you out?'

She flapped a hand at me. 'It's just a headache, Derek. Stop worrying. I know you're a Neurologist but not every nausea or headache is a…tumor or…_whatever_.'

I placed my hand on her knee and softly said. 'You've been having a lot of headaches lately. You've said it yourself. It's not usual even when you're sleep-deprived. Please Meredith? I'd be happier if I checked you out.'

'You're really overacting,' she scowled at me.

I let out a frustrated groan. 'God…this is stupid. I've got a patient waiting to see me. Why are you being so stubborn?'

'Then go to him and let me get on with my charts.'

I shook my head, 'Not until you let me give you a quick examination.'

'Again…It's just a headache.'

_But I didn't think it was…_

Meredith guessed my thoughts because she rolled her eyes. 'Derek…you're seeing things that aren't there.'

'Let me check you out,' I urged her again. 'If I'm wrong and there's nothing wrong with you…I'll grovel for the next six months,' I gave her a pleading look.

'You're not going to stop, are you?'

'No.'

Meredith sighed. 'Alright you've got five minutes.'

But the quick neurological tests, I'd already secretly performed had me worried profoundly.

'You know…there's a hole in the middle of your visual field.'

'There is not.'

'Meredith? Stop denying…I know what I'm talking about.'

'You're overreacting,' she snapped at me.

I took in a deep breath and clenched my jaw. 'You're having a bad headache. You normally don't get headaches but you've had several recently—a lot you said. You _do_ have a hole in your visual field. And don't argue with me—I saw how you turned your head so you could read the middle letters,' I paused. '…Does it feel like the worst headache you've ever had in your life?'

'No, it doesn't,' Meredith sighed. 'For the hundredth time…there's nothing wrong with me.'

I shook my head. Meredith obviously wasn't going to listen to me. Time to compromise.

'You have until lunchtime or until I've talked to my patient,' I said slowly. 'If the headache isn't gone by then, I want you to have a scan OK?'

Meredith angrily pushed my hand away. 'Derek, listen to me. I don't smoke, I don't drink to excess…well, at least not regularly and I don't have any medical conditions. My cholesterol levels are fine and my blood pressure is excellent…there's nothing wrong with me,' she said, gritting her teeth.

I got up and brought my face close to hers. 'Lunchtime! And Meredith? Be honest with me…otherwise, I'll drag you off to Radiology myself. Kicking and screaming if I have to.'

Meredith's expression told me she knew I meant it, despite the hospital gossip it would cause.

She lowered her lashes and sighed. 'OK. I'll see you at lunchtime but my headache will be gone by then.'

* * *

><p><strong><em>Meredith's POV<em>**

I continued reviewing my charts but at a certain point I realized I was squinting at the computer screen.

_Was Derek right? Was I really having a hole in my visual field_?

Feeling a little nervous, I rose from my chair and glanced at myself in the window and suddenly, everything seemed to make sense; my recent headaches, my constant tiredness and the occasional urge to vomit. I felt like I was suffocating, like something was pushing against my lungs while I tried to breathe in. Nervous sweat erupted through my pours, giving my skin a wet sheen that made me look even worse. I couldn't believe this was happening…_what would my parents say_?

I walked towards the sink and gripped the cold porcelain, inspecting my face. My skin looked paler than normal and my green eyes looked flat without any sign of a sparkle. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath but then I turned away from the sink and walked out into the hallway.

'Hey Mer,' Cristina greeted me enthusiastically while she passed me in the company of Miranda Bailey.

'Hey,' I mumbled.

'You alright, Doctor Webber?' Doctor Bailey asked while she looked at me questioningly.

'Yes, doctor Bailey,' I sighed while I rubbed my stomach; '…I just need to sit down for a minute.'

At that same time, Derek walked into the hallway, '…Doctor Webber? Remember lunchtime? I'm clipping an aneurysm. Any interest?'

'Oh my God, I gagged, instantly spilling the contents of my stomach all over the floor.

'_Crap…are you pregnant_?'

My heart started beating in my throat as I got up and shot a warning look at Cristina but the wave of nausea it caused, had me vomiting again and I hunched over while she grabbed hold of my hair and pushed it out of the way.

'_Meredith_?' In the corner of my eye I saw Derek's worried face while he walked in my direction.

'Nah…uh-uh, Miranda Bailey said rapidly, '…looks like you did enough already.'

While Cristina and Miranda Bailey guided me to an empty exam room, I spotted my mom at the balustrade glaring at me with disapproval. It was now that I realized she'd witnessed the whole scene.

'Miranda, I want you to take her to Radiology…NOW!'

'Doctor Shepherd, there are such things as queues,' Doctor Bailey scowled while she glanced in Derek's direction.

He shook his head, 'Doctor Bailey…I'm worried about Meredith; seriously worried. And I'm damned well not going to let anything happen to the woman I love. Not when I can help it!'

I stared at Derek in shock. He said it…in the presence of Cristina, Miranda Bailey…and my mother; _the woman I love_.

'DEREK?'

He stared at me, unsmiling. 'WHAT?'

'I…I,' I couldn't bring out a word. Not when he looked so serious.

'Ladies…please excuse us but I'm taking Meredith to radiology,' Derek said softly. He took my hand and tugged me down the hallway. 'We'll do the questions on the way in…OK?'

I nodded and secretly loved the way he grabbed hold of my hand.

'Any metals in your body?'

'Nope…just a few fillings.'

'OK…they don't count. No bullets or shrapnel?'

'No.'

'Joint replacement?'

'No.'

'Drug allergies?'

'No.'

Derek took in a deep breath and then halted, turning towards me, 'Any chance you might be pregnant?'

I swallowed hard and then our eyes met, 'I…I don't think so…I'm on the Pill.'

'You can take a test while I'm filling out the questionnaire. Just to be safe.'

_And what if I was pregnant? What then? I pushed the thought away…this was more than I could deal with right now_.

I was about to yell at Derek when I saw the worry etched in his face. Ice started trickling down my spine. _If I was pregnant…did he want the child_?

Nausea erupted again from my stomach. 'I…I'm scared Derek?'

**…...**

I was in an empty exam room, unwrapping the pregnancy test. As I unwrapped it, I carefully read the instructions, softly murmuring that morning urine was needed. With an encouraging smile, Derek handed me a plastic cup and I disappeared into the adjoining toilet. Holding my breath, I plunged the tip into the cup filled with my urine. Having it held in there for ten seconds, I withdrew it and carefully replaced the cap. My hand trembled as I laid the test flat on the side of the sink. Now, we needed to wait. My emotions went through the roof; this was not what I had intended. We barely knew each other and I was in the middle of my residency. My tension rose and Derek noticed, I trembled.

'Hey…come here you,' he whispered softly while he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him.

'My mom's going to kill me,' I whispered.

'Shhh…,'Derek stroked my hair, softly whispering words of encouragement. We both stared at the clock, watching the second hand slowly making its way around. Finally the time had come.

'It's time!'

Nervously, I snatched up the plastic wand and together we focused on the control window of the pregnancy test. Was there a blue line confirming, I was carrying Derek's baby?

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued in Chapter 12<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Thanx for your lovely comments. I guess some of you don't like clifhangers...well, at least I haven't kept you waiting for too long ;-) Please enjoy the next chapter...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

**_Meredith's POV_**

My pregnancy test came out negative and for a moment I felt disappointed but then I shook my head; what was I thinking? Derek and I hadn't even talked about having children, let alone planned to have a baby and now wasn't a good time anyway. Pushing the thought of having Derek's baby out of my mind, I signed the consent form for my head scan, and handed it to Derek, together with my watch and hospital ID card.

'I'll take care of these,' Derek said softly, giving me an encouraging smile. I swallowed hard because his eyes said the rest; _and I'll take care of you_.

Almost mechanically, I walked over to the scanner and lay down on the hard narrow bed, making sure I could see the radiologist in the adjoining room. I closed my eyes as the scanner bed moved backwards into the tube, waiting nervously for the pulsing, knocking sounds to begin; the noise to signal that the magnetic field was moving over my head.

_Please, don't let there be anything wrong with me._

_Please…_

The second the scanner stopped humming, the door opened and Derek was right by my side to help me off the narrow bed.

'And?' I nervously brought out.

'He's sending the results to my computer right now,' Derek announced softly.

I swallowed hard because I knew, Derek had been sitting right next to the radiologist, watching the screen over his shoulder. I knew he'd seen the results. If they'd been negative, he'd already told me. He would have definitely picked me up, twirled me around and assured me everything was fine and he would have been smiling. '

But right now, Derek's face was a mask and he carefully measured every word; which meant…_there was something wrong with my head_.

Holding my breath, I froze, couldn't remember how to talk or how to walk. But somehow Derek was there, strapping my watch back on my wrist and clipping my ID card back on my scrub shirt. I had no idea if he spoke to me. I couldn't hear a thing; just a weird humming in my head as if I was still lying on that narrow bed. I took me a while before I finally realized we were sitting on one of the wooden benches in front of the hospital.

'I thought we were going to y…your office,' I said a bit shaky.

'No, I thought we needed some fresh air.'

'But…you have to talk to your patients and I'm late for rounds. Derek, I'm gonna be late and—

'_Meredith_,' Derek said softly.

My stomach churned painfully, 'There's something wrong with me…huh?'

'Yes.'

'Tell me,' I whispered while I closed my eyes.

'Maybe, I should get your mom or dad first,' Derek said.

'Derek, tell me…please?'

He took in a deep breath and took my face between his hands, 'Look at me,' he whispered.

I opened my eyes and gazed into Derek's blue ones.

'You have a brain tumor,' he said softly.

'How big?'

'_Meredith_.'

'How big?' I insisted.

'Thirty-three millimeters.'

_I knew the stats; most patients died within a year after the diagnosis if the tumor was malignant. If it was benign and I would survive, residual nervous system problems could occur, memory loss, thinking, perception and even carrying out simple everyday tasks could become difficult_.

I swallowed, 'So much for my career as an upcoming Neurologist.'

'Don't do this Meredith,' Derek said softly while he took hold of my hand. '…You're gonna be fine but you need to think about how you want to handle this.'

'I…I can't,' I could barely get the words out of my mouth, '…I…I can't think straight.'

Derek wrapped his arms around me, holding me close, 'You don't have to take a decision right away. Maybe it's best if we take the rest of the day off?'

'But…I've got rounds and you have patients to see.'

'They'll understand.'

'You think I can't work,' I said stubbornly.

'I wouldn't expect anybody to work after hearing news like that,' Derek raked a hand through his hair. 'You need time to come to terms with this and I don't want you to be on your own.'

'You can't cancel your patients,' I hurried to say.

'Watch me,' Derek said grimly.

I placed a hand on his chest, 'No. I don't want you canceling patients for me. I just need time to think.'

'Should I call Lexie?' Derek asked.

'No, you can't call her. She's staying with her sister Molly,' I said.

'What about your mom?' Derek said.

'My mom,' I mumbled, '…is the last person I want around me right now.'

'But, She…and your dad need to know,' Derek said softly, his eyes incredibly sad.

Ignoring his words, I shook my head, 'I'm going home alone…I'll be fine.'

Derek nodded, 'Do you want me to tell them?'

'Would you?'

Derek nodded and held me close, as if not wanting me to go. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest then I heard him whisper, 'I love you Meredith. And you're going to be fine. I promise.'

'Go back to work Derek,' I said as I freed myself from his embrace.

'I'll be with you as soon as I can…and I'll bring dinner, OK?' Derek smiled and placed a tender kiss on my forehead before we went back into the hospital; Derek to see his patients and I to get my things.

**...**

I took a cab back to my place and ignored Derek's messages, he texted me between every patient. I just needed time to think.

_A brain tumor._

I could just leave the damn thing where it was; watch and wait. If it was malignant, I'd be dead in a year. If I had it removed, I would know for sure; malignant or benign. If I wasn't having symptoms from the tumor, the stats pointed me to an operation. Except my brain tumor wasn't symptomless. I had a hole in my visual field and awful headaches. So I had no choice. I'd had to have the operation. But how could I make a decision if I didn't know all the facts? I switched on my laptop, flicked into my internet connection and Googled every online medical journal about brain tumors…

* * *

><p><strong><em>Derek's POV<em>**

When I walked towards the Chief's office, I spotted Ellis and Richard from afar. Good, they were together. Taking in a deep breath, I knocked on Ellis' door and entered.

'So what's this about,' Ellis asked immediately. 'You said you didn't want to talk about it over the phone. Are you leaving Seattle Grace Hospital?'

_She was as ever, straight to the point. Just like Meredith._

'Ellis…Richard? There is no easy way in telling you this but…Meredith needs an operation,' I blurted out.

'Are you breaching your patient's confidentiality?' Ellis snapped at me.

I clenched my jaw. 'I'm telling you since you're her mother, Ellis.'

'ELLIS!' Richard yelled. 'I think we need to listen to Derek, not accuse him of anything.'

I sighed inwardly.

'What's wrong with our daughter?' Richard asked.

I took in a deep breath,' She has a brain tumor.'

'A brain tumor? Ellis started rambling nervously. 'Is it operable? Are you doing the surgery? You have to Derek. You're the best Neurologist of the country.'

I shook my head and sat down. 'Ellis…I can't do it.'

'What's the problem Derek?' Richard asked. 'You're her attending. I'm sure Meredith wants _you_ to do the operation.'

'I can't perform the operation because Meredith is my girlfriend,' I said quietly.

'How long has this been going on?' Ellis demanded.

'About six months.'

Ellis' eyes narrowed. 'Meredith hasn't mentioned you to us…at all.'

'She had her reasons Ellis,' I said. '…You would never have approved our relationship. I'm a divorced man and older than Meredith but you need to know, I would never hurt her. I love your daughter!'

Richard shook his head. 'I don't believe it; Meredith…a brain tumor?'

'She needs you,' I cut in. 'Both of you…though she won't admit it.'

'I know how good you are at your Job, Derek,' Richard said while he placed his hand on my shoulder, '…I want _**you**_ to do the operation.'

'It's not ethical. Not when I'm involved with her,' I objected. 'Would you operate on Ellis? Suppose Ellis had an accident. Would you feel confident enough to work on her in the OR?'

'I'd do it…if it were Richard,' Ellis interrupted without hesitation. 'Because I'd want to know he'd get the best possible care.'

'Me too,' Richard said. 'If Meredith wants you, you need to do Derek.'

'Does Meredith love you?' Ellis asked.

'Yes.'

'That's the most important thing.' Richard held out his hand. 'Then I guess it's a deal!'

I shook Richard's hand. 'I'll talk to her. If Meredith wants me to…I'll do the surgery!'

Ellis took in a deep relieved breath, 'Where is she?'

'Home.' I said.

'Then go to her,' Ellis insisted. 'Tell her what you've told us. Tell her we love her very much and if she needs us…call us, OK?'

* * *

><p><strong><em>Meredith's POV<em>**

The moment I ended my internet connection, my phone rang and I knew who it was before I answered.

'Hey. I just called to ask what you want for dinner.' Derek asked.

_Nothing about my brain tumor. Derek sure knew how he needed to deal with this; professionally. At a distance. Not trying to smother or panic me_.

'I dunno,' I mumbled absently.

'Thai, Chinese or Pizza?' He urged me again.

'Whatever's nearest,' I said.

'OK. Pizza it is. See you in half an hour…OK?'

'Fine.' I sighed. I could cope if Derek kept things like this; light…not intense. Not as if I was dying.

I sat curled up on my new sofa watching a movie when my intercom buzzed. I dragged myself drom the sofa and pressed the answering switch to let Derek in. I didn't wait for him but opened the front door and curled up on my sofa again.

'Hey.' Derek entered the living room, carrying a huge bouquet of white roses as well as a large pizza box.

_It were the flowers that did it._

_Flowers._

_What people gave at funerals._

Biting my bottom lip, I whimpered and started to cry. With a muffled curse, Derek set the food and flowers on the table, joined me on the sofa and pulled me onto his lap. He held me close, stroking my hair and letting me sob into his chest. After half an hour or so when my shudders finally died down, he pulled back far enough so he could kiss my forehead and the tip of my nose.

'I'm sorry,' I choked. 'I'm acting stupid.'

'No, you're not,' Derek said while he stroked my cheek. 'You're human. You've had a hell of a shock today. He swallowed. 'A shock that was all my fault. I panicked and bullied you into having that scan.'

'I'm glad you did. If we had not discovered my…'

I let the sentence unfinished because Derek knew what I meant. If they'd caught my brain tumor much later, my chances to survive would have decreased considerably.

'Hey…you're gonna be fine! We know about it now and we can do something about it.'

'But you bought me flowers.'

'To cheer you up.'

'People give flowers at…,' I closed my eyes, unable to form the rest of the sentence and tears started leaking from my eyes again.

'People give flowers at happy times,' Derek said softly. 'For birthdays and just to say I-love-you…and to make you feel good when you're having a bad day…like today.

_I knew he wanted me to feel better…_

I smiled. 'I'll go put them in water.'

When I got off from the couch, I noticed Derek's shirt was soaked.

'You're shirt's wet.'

Derek pulled me down and brushed a gentle kiss over my lips, 'You can get me out of my clothes any time you want.'

'How about now?' I asked shakily.

'_Meredith_?' Derek's eyes widened.

'I…I really need you,' I whispered.

Derek nodded and rose from the couch. He took my hand and let me lead him to my bedroom. Slowly, he undressed me, kissing every piece of my skin he uncovered, burying his face in my hair; my beautiful, long hair that smelled like lavender.

_A lump started to block my throat again; in a few days my hair would be gone; shaved off…_

'_Derek_.' A muffled cry came from my lips as I kissed him as if it were the last time.

Sensing how I felt, Derek was especially gentle when he touched me. Stroking me all over, kissing his way down my spine. Rolling me over onto my back and kneeling between my thighs and then…sliding deep, deep inside me.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Derek's POV<em>**

Our lovemaking was more intense than ever before as if our bodies had suddenly become super sensitive. I could hear every breath then came from Meredith's lungs and I was almost sure, I could even hear her heart beating and every brush of her skin against mine. When her body rippled around mine, I buried my face in her shoulder.

'I love you,' I whispered.

_She didn't say it back and I knew why. But it was alright; she didn't have to say it…I felt it. And right now as my climax answered hers, I was sure Meredith felt it just as deeply as I did. We would make it…find a way to overcome this. Just holding her was enough for now… _

Hours later when it was already dark, I heard Meredith's stomach rumble.

'The pizza is cold, but I could reheat it in the microwave,' I suggested softly.

'No,' Meredith whispered. Reheating take-away leftovers is the quickest way to get food poisoning, and I need you to be well.'

I frowned. 'And why is that?'

'Because,' Meredith said softly, 'I've decided this afternoon. I just can't watch and wait with this this…thing in my head. My health is still rather excellent and I want it to keep that way so I'm having the operation.'

_Relieved I closed my eyes. _

'So…when are you operating?' she asked.

And that was the question I feared. She wanted me to do it. But how the hell could I stand in an OR with the woman I loved on the operating table and cut into her brain?

'Isn't it more important, I look after you when you're out of the Intensive Care,' I tried carefully.

'What are you saying Derek?' Meredith stared at me. 'You've removed multiple brain tumors. You're familiar with microsurgical techniques. I've seen you work Derek…you're the best Neurologist in the country.'

For a moment, I closed my eyes, 'It's not ethical…I'm involved with you Meredith.'

'We've kept our relationship quiet. Nobody knows…so you won't get in trouble.'

'I don't give a damn about getting into trouble. If I'm saying that I'm involved with you, it means I can't be focused enough.'

'That's easy to solve.' Meredith stubbornly folded her arms. 'As from now…we're through.'

Considering we were still lying in bed together…_naked_, I shook my head. 'No, we're not. And even if you end this, it's not going to stop me from loving you.'

'Look at me,' I challenged her softly.

Meredith twisted around to face me, 'I c…can't end this…I love you.' I smiled and kissed her. I needed to feel her mouth on mine, feel her breasts pressed against my chest and her heart beating.

'I love you too. And nothing's going to change that,' I said softly when I broke the kiss.

'Then do this for me Derek. Please?' Meredith's breath hitched in her throat. 'If I have this operation, I need to be in the hands of someone I trust.'

My voice cracked. 'If anything goes wrong, how can I ever live with myself again?'

'It won't go wrong. I believe in you.' She paused. 'If you let Nelson do it, and it does go wrong, won't you always be asking yourself, "What if?" Won't you ask yourself if you could have done it better…done it right?'

_Of course I would and we both knew it_.

I swallowed hard but then I gave her the answer she was praying for, 'OK...I'll do it!'

'You'll do it?' I guessed, she needed to be sure.

'Yes. But there's something I want you to think about. You're literally putting your life in my hands. If I don't do it, I could lose you. If I do it and something goes wrong, I'll lose you.'

'Nothing will go wrong,' Meredith assured me softly.

'We don't know that for sure. Meredith, I love you. And that's why I'm doing it. But if you put me through this, you don't get to walk away afterwards. Meredith Webber…when this is all over, will you marry me?'

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued in Chapter 13...<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**This is the second time today I posted this chapter. A reader let me know that the chapter wasn't visible although an e-mail was sent to my account that is was published. Hopefully, you can see (and read) it now? **

**Love, McJinx**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

**_Meredith's POV_**

I just sat on my sofa, staring at Derek, my eyes getting wider and wider. I lowered my head but that caused a severe dizzy spell so I quickly looked up again. Derek sat next to me smiling, trying to look relaxed although I knew he probably wasn't.

_He sure was asking a lot from me; to marry him! He knew I'd planned to become a Neurosurgeon just like he was. To me, my medical career had always come first, last and always; at least, it had, before yesterday. Things were completely different now. But if I was honest to myself then 'yes'; Derek was definitely the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Marry. Maybe have children someday, if we were lucky; if I survived my brain tumor. _

I took in a deep — _not really necessary breath_ — choosing my answer very carefully, 'If you get me through this then…_**yes**_, I'll marry you…any time, and any place you choose…'

Derek's mouth curled up in a broad smile and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him but I freed myself from his embrace and continued. 'But…if this goes wrong, I want you to walk away and forget about me.'

Derek's smile quickly faded from his face and a painful shadow seemed to cross his handsome features, 'No…no, Meredith…I can't do that.'

'Yes, you can! Derek, I'm a medical student and my parents both are surgeons. I know the risks. I've got a four per cent chance of dying on your table. I know you're an excellent Neurosurgeon but when my brain tumor is malignant or you nick an artery during my operation, I'm a goner. I know you'll be careful and I truly think, I'm gonna be fine…,' I paused, '…but if I'm not…if I do have a stroke or need chemo, I need you to walk away. Right now…I want you to take care of me but when I need long-time care with chemo or radiation therapy, you'll start to resent me. Your guilt will play up and slowly, what you feel for me, won't be love anymore. It'll be pity.'

Derek raked a hand through his black curls, looking slightly distraught, 'No, it won't be like that.'

_I knew I was being harsh and straight to the point and somehow I hated myself for it. But Derek had to be realistic about my brain tumor; see the situation for what it was_.

'Derek, I'm twenty-seven. We're talking about the rest of my life. That's hopefully a hell of a long time.'

Derek flinched and I could read his thoughts from his face. He just looked stunned…shocked. I lifted my hand and stroked his jaw, 'Believe me when I say, I love you Derek. With all my heart but you need to promise me this!'

* * *

><p><strong><em>Derek's POV<em>**

For several minutes, I was unable to speak. I pulled Meredith closer, my face resting against her hair. I wasn't dreaming. She'd said she wanted to become my wife…_at least_ _on her terms_.

'We're going to get through this, Derek,' Meredith said softly. 'You're going to operate and one day…I'm going to be an excellent Neurosurgeon. And life's going to be just as it was…just as it was before we knew about my brain tumor.'

My heart contracted sharply. I didn't want her to make plans yet, not to jinx the operation…just in case.

'And…we're going to get married. We're going to have it all,' she whispered.

'I'd settle for getting you safely through this week,' I whispered, pulling slightly back and kissing her forehead.

Meredith smiled, nodding.

'You know, you're going to have to tell your fellow residents,' I warned. 'You can't just let them find out about it when you turn up on the OR board by the end of this week.'

Meredith sighed, 'I'll tell them tomorrow. But if anyone is feeling sorry for me or starts treating me like a delicate flower…'

I grinned, 'They wouldn't dare…oh well, April might…but people care about you Meredith.'

'Mmm.'

**…**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Meredith's POV<em>**

'Mer? What are you doing? Come on. We're gonna be late.' Cristina complained, loudly knocking on my front door, the next morning. I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, trying to stop my bloody nose.

'Meredith?' I heard Cristina yell again. I sighed as a pushed a handkerchief against my nose.

'Can I let her in?' Derek poked his head around the bathroom door. I nodded and started cleaning the mess on the bathroom counter.

'What's McDreary doing at your apartment?' Cristina asked, her expression showing apparent curiosity as she entered my bathroom.

'Derek's my…,' I couldn't finish my sentence because Cristina rushed to my side and helped me sit down on the edge of the bathtub.

'Mer…what's going on? Why is Shepherd here? Are you sick?' Cristina's voice was low, her eyes filled with worry.

'I…I have a brain tumor,' I blurted out, not knowing how else to break the bad news to her.

'Please, tell me this is a joke,' Cristina whispered while she sank down on the edge of the tub next to me. I swallowed the lump that grew in my throat and slowly shook my head, 'I'm afraid it's not.'

'What are _**you**_ gonna do about it?' Cristina snapped at Derek who entered the bathroom. I saw how he clenched his jaw because her remark got to him but then he sighed because he knew she was only worried about me.

'I'm operating on Miss Webber this Friday,' Derek said softly while he carefully removed my handkerchief, checking if my bloody nose had stopped.

'Good…I take it you know what you're doing but you have to promise, you won't kill her,' Cristina smirked after regaining her composure. Derek turned to her in anger but as soon as he saw her frightened face, his expression turned into honesty and a hint of concern. 'I promise, I'll do the best I can Miss Yang.'

Biting my bottom lip, I wasn't really sure what to do. Telling Cristina the truth about Derek's presence was hard but I wanted…needed her trust, 'Perhaps, you should give me and Cristina a moment,' I suggested softly. Derek nodded but tenderly stroked my hair before he left the bathroom.

'Mer?'

I smiled and nodded. 'Well…yes, you may have noticed Derek's more than just my doctor. We're together!'

Cristina's eyes went wide and her mouth formed a perfect 'O' in surprise. I saw how she pondered the thought for a moment but then her mouth curled up in a smile, 'I'm happy if you are,' she whispered. For a long moment, we gazed at each other but then she got up and walked to the door, 'Promise me, you won't die?'

I smiled and nodded, 'I'll try.'

_And then it was the day before the operation. _

Derek had booked me for a cerebral angiography. 'It's not risk-free,' he reminded me softly when I signed the consent form. 'You might feel a bit dizzy and experience some headache when the dye goes in, but then you'll be fine.'

I rolled my eyes and sighed. 'You don't need to talk me through this. I've booked in at least fifty patients for these myself. I know how it works and I know the risks.'

Derek smiled and leaned over to kiss me. 'Miss Webber? You're definitely no patient material…much too smart.'

'Well, at least I'll be unconscious during the surgery so I won't be able to comment,' I grumbled. But deep in my heart, I was glad Derek came down to the X-ray department with me. He held my hand when the local anesthetic was put in and the catheter was threaded into my groin. The contrast dye was injected through the catheter and the radiographer took several X-rays.

_And then, after a few hours, I was back in Derek's office together with my parents._

My dad wheeled my hospital bed against the wall so I could watch the scans. Derek smiled encouragingly when he pinned the films up against the light box to review them.

'Good news Meredith,' he said after a while. 'Your tumor hasn't grown and I'm almost sure I can remove it completely.'

'Which sort of incision are you doing?' My mom asked.

'Pterional incision…it's shorter and there's less trauma to the temporalis muscle, and the bone flap is smaller,' Derek explained professionally.

'Excellent,' my mom nodded approvingly. She turned to me and to my surprise, her eyes were a bit teary but she smiled through them. 'You should get some sleep honey. Tomorrow's a big day...' She paused but then leaned forward, kissing my forehead. '…You're gonna be fine. Derek's an excellent Neurosurgeon!'

I looked at my mom a bit overwhelmed by her tenderness and then nodded. She pushed her chair back when my dad leaned over me and stroked my hair, 'We'll see you tomorrow sweetie.'

**…**

But then, when I was alone with Derek in his office, a dam suddenly burst within me and tears started streaming down my face. My body shook with sobs I could no longer control because I was scared, petrified, realizing I could die tomorrow.

_I needed to get away from here…needed to run…escape. I couldn't do this. _

I jumped from the bed, uncaring that my gown had an open back. I ran to the door, my tears blinding my vision, but before I reached the door handle, Derek grabbed hold of my hand. I yelped and tried to pry his hand away but he was holding me tightly.

'Please…,' I whimpered. '…let go of me…I'm scared.'

'Shhh,' Derek soothed while he enveloped me in his arms, his scent washing over me. His fingers brushed my waist as his arms held me tighter to him. My face was pressed in the crook of his neck, smearing his skin with wet tears. I fisted his scrub shirt, uncertain of whether I was pushing him away…or pulling him even closer.

'Finally…,' he whispered. 'It's OK…just let it all out.'

I screamed and cried until my throat was raw while Derek held me close and rubbed soothing circles on my back. When my sobs finally turned into hiccups, I looked up at him. He smiled and tenderly brushed a few strands of hair from my face.

'Feeling better now?'

'I'm scared,' I whispered.

'I know, 'Derek soothed me while he wrapped his arms tighter around me, rocking me back and forth like a baby.

'I'm glad…,'I mumbled, my mind fading in and out of consciousness, '…you're my surgeon.' And when I slowly drifted off to sleep, I thought of the next day. _Who would I be? A third-year resident or a cancer patient? Derek's fiancé…or the woman I wanted him to leave behind? _

**…**

And then it was Friday…

The anesthesiologist came in my room to talk me through the risks of anesthesia and to make sure I hadn't eaten or drunk anything since midnight.

'Nothing since nine PM last night,' I assured him, signing his consent form.

'OK…miss Webber,' he nodded friendly. '…we'll see you in an hour.'

* * *

><p><strong><em>Derek's POV<em>**

I was scrubbing in when Richard and Ellis walked into the scrub room, dressed in their scrubs.

'Derek.' Ellis smiled at me, but I could see the strain in her face. 'Would you mind if Richard and I observed the operation?'

'Of course not.'

'It isn't that we don't trust you, Richard added quickly.

I smiled. 'I would've done the same if I were you. And I think it's better for Meredith that you're there.'

Richard smiled and encouragingly patted my shoulder. 'We're not going to comment,' he said. 'Just forget we're up there.'

Meredith was already under general anesthesia when I walked into the OR room, her head held in position by three pins.

_This was gonna be the hardest operation of my career…but I had no other choice. _

I took a deep breath and stepped towards the table. First I prepped the incision area and inserted a lumbar drain into Meredith's lower back.

'This takes out some of the cerebrospinal fluid and lets her brain relax during surgery,' I explained softly. 'I've put a local anesthesia into her skin to decrease bleeding—the scalp is known always to bleed profusely and it would interfere with my surgery.'

I knew that Ellis and Richard knew all the information I was sharing but since I was treating this as a teaching operation, I might as well go through the whole thing. Plus, it also helped me to get calmer, stay detached. I just had to remember not to look at Meredith's face.

'Ten blade please.' The scrub nurse handed me the blade and without further thought, I made the pterional incision. I exposed the skull, carefully lifted the skin flap and muscles off the bones and folded them back.

'Now that I can see what I'm doing, I'm making burr-holes into the scalp so I can cut out a window of bone.'

After the bur-holes, I lifted the flap and let in drop into a sterile bowl for later.

'OK, I'm opening the dura mater now. I'll fold it back to expose the brain, and then I'll use retractors to open up a corridor between brain and skull.'

As I started to work with the microscope, I felt I began to relax. I'd done this before and I knew what I was doing. Everything was going to be fine.

'I'm opening the corridor now and tracing the arteries to the tumor.' For a moment, I held my breath when I spotted the tumor but then my heart started beating a bit faster in my chest. It looked benign and I was certain, it had not invaded surrounding tissues.'

'Are her vitals OK,' I checked with the anesthesiologist. He nodded and for a single moment, I glanced up at the gallery, nodding to Meredith's parents.

'The meningioma is held tight by connective tissue, so I need to free it. I'm isolating it from the other structures in the brain.'

Everything was going according to plan and I worked swiftly but very accurate to remove the tumor completely but suddenly the high pitched beeping from the monitors sounded through the OR room.

'Her pressure's dropping…fast,' the anesthesiologist warned me. 'You need to get out of there Shep.'

My hand trembled and for a brief moment, I closed my eyes while the anesthesiologist's voice seemed to come from very far.

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><p><strong>To be continued in the next chapter...<strong>

**Please don't hate me for the ending ;-) I'll try to update as soon as possible!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

**_Derek's POV_**

I stood in the scrub room, my heart beating with pure exhilaration. _I'd pulled it off…I had removed Meredith's brain tumor and the lab had just called to inform me that my suspicions had been right. It had been a benign meningioma...no cancer…no chemo…and no walking away from the woman I loved…_

I was pulling my sweat-drenched scrub shirt over my head when the automatic sliding door opened and Ellis Grey walked in. 'Excellent work Derek.'

I threw my scrub shirt in the hamper and turned to Ellis. 'Thank you.'

'So what's next?' She asked.

'Wait for her to come round,' I said. 'I'll keep her in Intensive Care for a couple of days, and then she'll be moved up to a private room for the rest of the week.'

'And in the meantime, she'll be at risk of hydrocephalus,' Ellis mentioned.

'I'm having her under constant observation so if there's any sign of intracranial pressure, I'll be right with her, 'I assured Ellis. She was acting up but I knew she was only worried about Meredith.

'Ellis? Listen…it was a textbook operation. No complications. I'm keeping Meredith under constant observation. If there are any signs of early hydrocephalus or vasospasm, I'll deal with it right away.'

'But what if you're in an OR operating?' Ellis asked.

'I won't be,' I said quietly. 'As of now, I'm off duty until Meredith's out of the hospital. Doctor Nelson can take over my cases. I'm not moving from her bedside. She's my first priority! Now if you'll please excuse me, I need to check on her but you can join me if you want?'

**…...**

'_Meredith_?' I softly whispered.

'_Meredith_? Open your eyes?'

Meredith's eyelids fluttered and after a while, she forced them open.

'Hey beautiful, how are you feeling?' I asked.

'Like…I got run…over by a…truck,' she mumbled. 'H…how…did it…go?'

'Textbook. I've completely removed it and it was a benign meningioma.'

'Mmm-hmm,' she mumbled.

I quickly checked her pulse, temperature and respirations. 'You're doing fine,' I said softly. '…But you need to tell me if you feel sick, your head hurts or you're in any pain.'

'Mmm.' I knew it was too much effort on her part to force words out.

'Well done, sweetheart,' Richard whispered.

'You picked a good surgeon,' Ellis assured her.

'Uh-huh.' Meredith couldn't keep her eyes open.

'OK, that's enough. She needs her rest. I'm staying with her and will you call every hour with an update…OK?'

* * *

><p><strong><em>Meredith's POV<em>**

I awoke in a dimly lit room, I vaguely recognized as the Intensive Care Unit. There were cables and catheters everywhere and my throat felt sore.

'_Meredith_?' Was that Derek's voice? 'Don't try to speak. You've got a nasogastric tube in and I have got you on oxygen.'

So that was the tight feeling across my face. An oxygen mask.

Cool fingers gently pressed mine, 'if you're in any pain, just squeeze my hand.'

_Was I feeling pain? No…no pain, just a dull ache, not strong enough to warrant pain relief_.

Slowly, I managed to turn my head to where the familiar voice came from. I noticed immediately that Derek's scrubs were rumpled and he had what looked like a full day's stubble. Clearly, he'd spent the night at my bedside. _Had I been unconscious that long? Or had he kept me lightly sedated to give my body time to recover_?

'You're doing fine,' he said softly while he leaned over me. 'I'm taking the tubes out tomorrow. Then I'll have you moved to a private room and with any luck, you'll be home in a week.'

I lifted my arm and moved the pad of my thumb against his skin but it wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. I wanted him to hold me…but I knew I had to wait and then everything faded to black again…

* * *

><p><strong><em>Derek's POV<em>**

I was still sitting next to Meredith's bed the next morning when Ellis and Richard walked in. 'She just drifted off to sleep again,' I explained to them.

'Have you had a break yet?' Ellis asked quietly.

'I'm really pleased with her progress,' I said, ignoring Ellis' question.

Richard sighed. 'Let us sit with her for a while Derek. Go and have something to eat, a shower, a change of clothes…anything. Just take an hour to relax.'

_An hour? I couldn't stay away from her that long._ 'OK…half an hour,' I said.

'Derek? If you wear yourself out, you won't be able to take care of her,' Ellis cut in. 'Just take all the time you need. If Meredith wakes up, we'll call you immediately OK?'

The surprise must have shown from my face because Ellis added, 'You don't think we'd leave it all to you, do you? That's what family is for. Support each other. And Derek? You are considered to be part of our family. Whatever I've said about you and Meredith? Forget it. You've saved my daughter's life and you can have my blessing!'

I stared at Meredith's parents both, too stunned to say anything.

Richard patted my shoulder, 'See? You're tired. You did the hardest operation of your life yesterday, and you've been keeping Meredith under constant observation since. It's physically not possible to keep this up. Go. Break. Now,' Richard ordered, pointing at the door.

I rushed to the attending's locker room for a quick shower and changed into a pair of fresh scrubs before I went to the cafeteria. I added cold water to my coffee so I could drink it straight down and go back to Meredith's bedside. The caffeine was a welcome jolt to my system but I was glad when I was back at her room.

'Did you have something to eat?' Ellis asked.

'Yeah, but don't ask me what,' I said honestly. 'I didn't even taste it. '

'Stop worrying. She's still asleep,' Richard said.

'_I'm just glad it's over_,' I admitted. 'And thank God, I didn't hit any complications. I don't think, I could have lived with myself if anything had happened to her.'

'We understand,' Ellis said, 'Were just glad **you** did the operation Derek.'

I dragged in a breath, '_I've never been so scared in my entire life_.'

* * *

><p><strong><em>Meredith's POV<em>**

_I'm glad it's over…I've never been so scared in my entire life_. Those words kept on echoing through my head. I overheard Derek's conversation with my parents but was too tired to react. When I slowly opened my eyes, I found Derek asleep in the chair next to my bed. Clearly, he hadn't left the hospital last night either.

I felt how a tear trickled down my cheek, and reached over to touch Derek's hand, needing the physical contact. Right away, he was awake.

'Hey.' He leaned over to kiss my cheek. 'How are you feeling?'

Derek quickly checked my pulse. 'Your tube can come out. Want me to do it?'

At my nod, he softly said, 'Close your eyes and relax. I'm going to make this as easy as I can for you.' With one move, he gently removed the tube.

'My throat hurts,' I whispered hoarsely.

Derek nodded and poured a small amount of water into a plastic cup, adding a straw, 'Small sips and slowly,' he warned me when he helped me drink.

The dryness in my throat eased, but it still hurt a bit to talk.

'Sorry,' I whispered.

'What for?'

'I…I forced you to do my operation. I'm…glad it's over. I was so…scared.' I dragged in a breath. 'I was desperate. Shouldn't have said I'd…marry you. Not fair.'

Derek gently squeezed my hand. 'Hey. It's all over now. But I won't hold you to your promise. You don't have to marry me if you don't want to.'

_Was it my imagination or did Derek sounded relieved? Had he changed his mind? Maybe it was because he'd seen me as a patient__—perhaps he couldn't see me as a lover anymore. Or perhaps I looked repulsive now? I didn't dare ask for a mirror. I didn't want to know how bad I looked_.

A rush of misery overcame me. Yes, Derek had stayed with me during the night but that was only out of sense of duty, not because he wanted to be with me. No way was I going to let that situation continue. If he wanted out, I was willing to let him walk away. Better than having to life with his pity.

'You must be tired,' I said. 'Go and have some sleep.'

Derek shook his head. 'I'm not leaving you.'

'I need rest…and some time alone,' I mumbled.

I could hear him sigh. 'OK. I'll come in later.'

'Bye.' I tried to sound as cool and casual as I could.

'I've still got your watch.'

'Give it to my mom,' I mumbled absently.

'OK, If that's what you want.'

_No, it wasn't what I wanted. But I wasn't going to tie Derek to me out of pity._

I closed my eyes and turned my head away, not wanting to see him leave. The quiet click of the door told me he'd left. I was alone.

**…...**

When I awoke, my mouth felt dry and my head ached. I was about to push the buzzer to call a nurse when I remembered. I'd fallen asleep crying because I'd pushed Derek away. I turned my head to the side with an effort but the chair next to my bed was empty. I swallowed hard and turned my head away so I couldn't see the empty space where Derek should have been.

A few minutes later, I heard the door open quietly; probably an intern or nurse checking on me. Not feeling in the mood to talk, I kept my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. I felt a cool hand against my forehead and heard someone say. 'I'm not happy with her temperature. Better give her something to bring it down.'

_Derek? No. I was probably hallucinating_.

There were other noises in the room too. More than one person there then. Who else was in her room? My mom or dad?

'OK…that's it. Thanks. I'll sort the rest of it out when she's awake.'

_That definitely sounded like Derek. But what was he doing here_?

Footsteps out. Footsteps in….lighter, quicker. One of the nurses?

'Are you back again? I guess Neurology is very dedicated to its patient welfare?' A giggle sounded through my room.

' She is a special case; the love of my life,' I heard Derek say softly.

'That explains it, then.' The nurse sounded decidedly sentimental.'

_Love of his life?_

_But…I'd said he didn't have to marry me._

When the door clicked shut again, I turned my head to the side and opened one eye. Derek was settled in the chair beside my bed, reading a medical journal. It made me want to cry.

Something made him look up and I saw how he widened his eyes. 'Hey,' he softly said. 'How are you feeling?'

'Awful,' I whispered.

His face immediately radiated concern. 'Where does it hurt? He asked serious—sounding cool and professional, like a surgeon.

'My heart hurts. I…I thought you'd left.'

'You told me you wanted time alone and rest.'

'I know.' A tear trickled down my cheek but when I lifted a hand to wipe it, I felt the pull of wires. 'I'm stuck.'

'And you hate it. You hate being fussed over. And you want to go home.' Derek leaned over me and gently wiped the tear away with his thumb.

'I didn't think you'd come back.'

Derek grinned. 'I removed your brain tumor, not your common sense. You've had four hours of brain surgery. You're allowed to feel a bit fragile.'

'But…but you said you weren't going to hold me to my promise to…to…' I couldn't finish the sentence.

'To marry you? I'm not, at least not right away. You're right. It wasn't fair asking you…right before your surgery.' Derek tenderly stroked my face. 'But that doesn't change the way I feel about you. I love you Meredith Webber!'

'Even though I'm bald?'

Derek groaned.

I closed my eyes, wishing I hadn't said anything about my hair. Then I heard a swooshing noise, I didn't recognize. 'What are you doing?'

'Drawing the blinds.'

'Why?'

'Because, I'll get banned from your room if they catch me doing this. I'm not even allowed to sit on your bed, let alone do this.'

Derek returned to my side, wriggled onto the tiny space next to me and put his arms around me.

_He was holding me. The physical contact I'd longed for_.

I turned my face to his and he kissed me lightly on my cheek. 'Now first of all. You're not completely bald. I've only shaved away a small bit and no one will notice because the rest of your hair will cover it.'

'Now…' Derek kissed me on my mouth. 'I want you to say one little word to me. I know this isn't the best setting and I'd rather be asking you under a romantic sunset. Or at our special place overlooking the ferryboats. We could go there later and I could ask you then.'

'Ask me?' I wasn't quite following our conversation.

'Yes,' Derek nodded. 'I've asked you before. Except this time, there's nothing hanging over our heads. It's just you and me. The operation is over. You're not desperate and I'm not scared out of my mind. So…will you marry me, Meredith Webber? Love me for the rest of our life?'

I smiled while butterflies started fluttering in my stomach, 'What do you think?'

'I think,' Derek said quietly. 'If you say no, I'll set your parents on you. I'm sure they'll nag you until you say…I do.'

'W…what?' I couldn't believe what he was saying.

Derek smiled and kissed me again, a little longer now. 'Your mom is OK with our relationship. She even gave us her blessing.'

Another tear slid down my cheek and I stroked Derek's jaw. 'Then…yes! Yes, I'll marry you!'

Derek held me close and whispered in my ear. 'If you weren't hooked up to all these monitors, I'd pick you up and whirl you around.'

'We'll take a rain-check,' I giggled. 'Because now, we have all the time in the world….' I kissed him again. '…and I'll spend every second of it loving you.'

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><p><strong>This is quite a nice way to end the story don't you think?<strong>

**I'll leave it up to you. If you want me to continue the story, please let me know...**

**Love you, McJinx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

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><p><strong>Simply because y'all loved this story so much! Oh...and guys...thanks so much for all your lovely comments!<strong>

**Love, McJinx**

* * *

><p>Chapter 15<p>

**_Meredith's POV_**

_One week after…_

'OK...are you ready?' My mom asked while she handed me a mirror. It was just an ordinary hand mirror but as I reached for it, I noticed my hand trembled.

'Just take your time Meredith,' Derek said gently. 'Look at your face first, and then slowly work your way up.'

_But I wasn't the person who did things the slow and easy way. I mean, how different could I look? I might have a scar but I would still look the same, right_?

Closing my eyes, I lifted the hand mirror to my face. Faint sunlight streamed in through the window, falling across my face and I automatically turned toward the light and then…I slowly opened my eyes. Relieved, I took a breath; my face was still the same. In fact, I looked quite good for someone who had brain surgery, just one week ago. Then I gradually lifted the mirror higher and higher. 'Oh…' A strangled gasp escaped me when my eyes fell upon the red square scar an inch above my right ear.

'It's not that bad honey,' my mom quickly assured me. 'No one will notice once you're allowed to wear your hair down.'

'I know…,' I mumbled, quickly wiping away a few falling tears. 'It's not that I'm in shock or whatever, it's just….'

'What?' Derek insisted.

'As a medical student, I've been trained to view death as part of life but it's not that simple when it's your own life…hanging in the balance.'

'Ah, come here you,' Derek said soothingly, wrapping his strong arms around me, holding me tightly to his chest.

'OK then.' My mom rolled her eyes. 'If you two love birds don't mind, I have somewhere else to be.' She turned and headed for the door.

'Mom?' I mumbled while I freed myself from Derek's embrace.

'Yes?'

'Thanks,' I said softly.

My mom smiled and gave me a friendly nod before she left the room.

'So? Are you happy to be leaving the hospital today?' Derek asked.

'_Seriously_? I can't wait to get home. Sleeping in my own bed, eating decent food again and you know what I crave most?'

Derek shook his head.

'…Having long sleepy nights without doctors poking their heads in every five minutes and taking vital signs or drawing blood,' I teased.

A grin appeared on Derek's face and his cheeks turned a light pink. 'I am sorry for that but I just couldn't stay away. You're my cutest patient…ever.'

I giggled and before I knew what happened, Derek crashed his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me closer to him, kissing me even harder. When he broke our kiss, he slowly began to kiss down my face, all the way to my neck. I let out a soft moan as he gently kissed me there, the trail of kisses leaving a tingling sensation and a growing heat in the pit of my belly. Derek lifted his head and gazed at me with an intense look in his eyes.

'You have no idea how much I've missed this,' he mumbled while he kissed me again.

'Er…Derek? How long before…you know,' I mumbled while a light blush crept onto my cheeks.

'What do you mean? Before we can have…sex again?' Derek smiled, our eyes locked in an unbreakable bond.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Derek's POV<em>**

Meredith's hands were clasped together and she was clearly nervous since she was fidgeting and biting her lower lip. She took in a deep, steadying breath. 'Er…yes.'

'_Meredith_…' I smiled, hoping to make her feel more at ease. 'We have time…there's no time frame. If you feel up to it…'

'I want to have sex again,' Meredith blurted out while she pulled the blanket up to her chin.

'You want to have sex with me?' I repeated.

'Yes!' Meredith's answer was breathy and shaky at the same time.

'Right now…?' I said amusingly.

'Oh God…No!' Meredith exclaimed quickly and I sensed she regretted her words. 'Don't get me wrong. I wanna have sex with you but surely not now. I'm in my PJ's and I've had brain surgery just one week ago…I just wanna know when we're able to…you know?'

'Meredith…' I smiled, realizing that she perhaps needed some help.

'No…let me finish,' she interrupted.

'By all means,' I waved a hand urging her to continue. Amusingly, I leaned back against the back of the bed.

'You…kissing me, stirred up all those familiar feelings inside me,' Meredith stammered shyly. I took her hand in mine and smiled when I noticed the goose bumps on her skin.

'…I'm not kidding. Even now I can still feel where your lips have been,' Meredith paused taking a deep shuddering breath. '…and then I remembered your hands and what you do with them…and well, naturally my mind went to…' Meredith's eyes settled on me and a rush of tenderness welled up inside me.

'You're so sweet,' I breathed out.

'Don't mock me,' Stubbornly Meredith folded her arms across her chest.

'You want to have sex with me!' I repeated her words, realizing I was more in love with her than ever before.

'Er…yes.' Meredith's voice was soft and innocent and it pulled me right out of my moment of stun.

'Wow,' I grinned, leaning towards her.

'I just put myself out on the table and all you have to say is…'

'Of course I want to have sex with you,' I interrupted Meredith, leaning forward and giving her a quick peck on the mouth.

'You do?' And in that moment, the way her eyes looked to me for assurance and the way her voice gave away her vulnerability, I felt so much love for her.

Meredith's hands started fidgeting again so I reached out and stilled them with mine. 'You, Meredith Webber…are amazing! You are, by far, the smartest person I know. You challenge me. You're funny and you keep me on my toes. You push me to do better and you're sweet! You might not use that word to describe yourself but you are. You're bright and…' I shook my head and smiled. '…gorgeous and I love you. It's mind-blowing how much I love you.'

'Mind blowing?' Meredith raised a brow, allowing a smile to seep through her nervousness.

'Astounding, really,' I grinned.

'So…you're saying that we can have sex again…?'

'Yes,' I interrupted her again.

'Oh thank God.' Meredith breathed relieved while I chuckled.

'But, I am also saying that we don't need to rush things, 'I continued. 'We can talk about it. And when you're up to it…I'm sure it'll happen.'

'Good,' she whispered and I could hear relieve in her voice. 'Now…are you ready to take me home?'

* * *

><p><strong><em>Meredith's POV<em>**

_Three weeks after…_

I was standing in front of the bathroom sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I bit my lip because for the first time, I had permission to wear my hair down again.

'_LEXIE_?' I yelled.

'Yeah? What's wrong? Are you OK?' she stammered slightly out of breath while she burst into my bathroom.

'Sorry for startling you,' I smiled apologetic. 'I'm fine but could you help me with my hair?' I said pleadingly while I handed her my comb.

'You want me to do your hair…?'

'Would you?'

'Sure!'

I watched Lexie with interest as she picked up the comb, and carefully started teasing a section of my tangled hair.

'You need to tell me if it's hurts,' she said a bit nervously.

I nodded but Lexie did a very thorough job. She transformed my chaotic tangled mass into silky, wavy hair that fell lightly upon my shoulders.

'Here…all done!' She said while she watched me satisfyingly.

'Can you see my scar,' I asked a bit nervously.

'Na-ah,' Lexie shook her head. She opened the sink drawer and pulled out a hand mirror, turning it so I could see the side of my head.

'Oh…you're the best,' I smiled while I pulled her closer for a hug.

'You're welcome,' Lexie smiled.

Walking back into my bedroom, I halted in front of my wardrobe. For a moment I looked at myself in the large mirror attached to it but then nodding satisfyingly. I opened the door and pulled out my favorite jeans and a striped navy blue shirt.

'Are you going out?' Lexie asked.

'I'm picking up Derek at the hospital,' I explained. 'I thought it be nice to surprise him.'

'Do you want me to drive you?' Lexie urged.

'Nah…thanks.' I said but when I turned to face Lexie, I noticed she had tears in her eyes, giving me a weak smile.

'Hey…what's wrong?' I frowned.

She swallowed hard and turned her head. 'Don't mind me…I'm just being silly. It's just…what would I have done if I had lost you?' she whispered.

I felt how my bottom lip quivered also and within an instant, I had closed the distance between us, holding Lexie and squeezing her tightly.

'Hey…I'm fine! Someone up there…,' I pointed upward, '…thought it wasn't my time yet. You're my sister Lexie…and I've just found you. I'm planning to stick around here for quite some time…OK?'

Pulling slightly away, Lexie smiled through her tears. 'OK, I'll hold you to that. Now go and pick up your fiancé!' At the mention of Derek, a tender smile crossed my face; never had I felt more love for anyone, except my parents…and Lexie. And despite the short amount of time we'd been together, I knew Derek felt the same way about me.

'You promise to let me know if you don't come home.'

'Cross my heart,' I smiled. 'And if not, you can always come see me.' I gripped Lexie's hand and held tight. 'We'll never let each other go again.'

Tears sparkled Lexie's eyes again as she nodded fiercely. 'Never. I promise.'

* * *

><p><strong><em>Derek's POV<em>**

The day was slowly coming to an end when I hurried down to the pit after an emergency call; motorcycle victim. As a Neurosurgeon, I knew death was part of the circle of life and although I mostly concentrated on the positive, I could never fully ignore the fact that death was seated at the very same table as life! Only seconds later the sounds of sirens were whining in the distance and I was focused on the job ahead.

An intern came running up to me. 'EMS dispatch just called to give us a heads up, Doctor Shepherd.'

'Alright…calm down,' I said softly. '…What's the ETA?'

The young intern swallowed nervously, 'They didn't say Doctor Shepherd, but the ambulance will bring in a young man with extensive injuries to his head.'

I nodded. 'OK…what do we need?' The intern took a deep breath but then she said, 'Er… O-neg. rapid infuser fired up, warm IV-fluids, chest tube tray, thoracotomy tray just in case, ventilator, laryngoscope and surgical team and OR notified.'

'Excellent.' I nodded approvingly at the blushing intern and we waited in silence while nurses and interns set up and checked the equipment. Within a time frame of three minutes, the doors flew open and paramedics frantically pushed a gurney through the doors into the ER, yelling, '_Young man…twenty somethin' years old, with multiple injuries. He's lost a lot of blood. We couldn't tube him. He's got two IV's in and we've bagged him all the way_!'

'Thanks…good job men.'

I leaned over the young man and quickly checked his vital signs. He was unresponsive, pulse less and flaccid and while I quickly checked his pupils, the intern hooked him up to a heart monitor.

'OK…wheel him into OR 3…_stat,_' I yelled.

…

It was close to five PM when my surgical team gathered for the operation in OR three. I stood in the scrub room scrubbing in with Jackson Avery.

'Ready Jackson?'

He nodded, 'Sure.'

I pushed the button with my elbow and together with Jackson I entered the OR. Almost at the same time, the anaesthetized patient was rolled into the OR and for a moment all conversation ceased. 'OK people…it's a beautiful day to save lives.' I announced while the OR team kicked into action. Due to his motorcycle accident, I had to perform an emergency craniotomy on my patient.

'Ten blade…please,' I said softly.

The scrub nurse handed me the asked scalpel and I swiftly made the first incision.

'Wipe.'

Avery grabbed a surgical sponge and dabbed the area. The procedure went on as Jackson and I cautiously worked our way through tangled blood vessels.

…

I peeled off my gloves and looked down at my patient. His head was wrapped in a turban-like head bundle and his eyes were puffy and bruised looking. He looked pale but I was confident, he would make a full recovery.

'What's his hemoglobin?' I asked.

'Twelve.'

I nodded, satisfied with the figure considering all my patient had been through and was still to endure. He was by no means out of the woods yet. 'OK…let's get him into intensive care.' They wheeled my patient out of the OR and before heading into the scrub room, I casually glanced upward at the gallery…

* * *

><p><strong><em>Meredith's POV<em>**

All the tension from the risky craniotomy whipped away from Derek's face when he noticed me up in the gallery. A lopsided boyish grin appeared on his face while he raised his hand gesturing me to come down. I nodded and hurried down the stairwell, entering the empty scrub room where we embraced each other in a tight hug.

'Hey,' he softly said.

'Hey,' I answered with a smile.

'You…look amazing!' Derek mumbled while he ran his fingers through my hair.

'Thank you…Lexie did it!'

The corner of Derek's mouth tipped upward into the sexiest grin I'd ever seen. He leaned forward and nuzzled my neck. 'You look hot,' he whispered in my ear. When he held my gaze a bit longer, something started to burn inside my belly and I sighed…Derek had this effect on me; he'd always had this effect on me!

He leaned in and kissed me; a kiss that started out brief and warm but got more passionate when he wrapped his arms around my waist. Soon, I felt my blood hammer in my ears. I let my bag drop to the floor and slid both arms around Derek's neck, pressing myself against him.

'Derek…?' I mumbled, putting my hand on his arm.

'Mmm…?

'Can we make love tonight?'

'Mmm…Meredith,' Derek whispered, burying his face in my hair again. '…That's the best offer I've got all day.' He kissed me again; a fierce, open mouthed kiss and I raised myself on tiptoe to meet him.

…

And then suddenly, we were at Derek's place. The wind creaked in the trees outside the trailer and I had just called Lexie to let her know, I wouldn't sleep home when I realized the enormity of what we were about to do. We were Derek and Meredith and we were about to make love, freely and with open hearts for the first time since my brain tumor. I clung to Derek, inhaling his unique masculine scent. He held me tight and I reveled in the feeling.

'Kiss me.' Derek glanced at my lips and I felt them opening expectantly.

'_Meredith_.' Derek's whisper was hoarse and filled with longing. 'Are you sure?'

'Yes.'

Upcoming darkness surrounded us as Derek tipped my chin and softly trailed his fingers over my cheeks. His mouth covered mine and there was no stopping…_no going back_. I threw my arms around him and he drew me with him onto the bed. He was on top of me, his weight on me, and his legs pinning me down and when I felt his growing erection, I shifted, wanting to feel that glorious pressure as long as possible.

'I've missed making love to you so much,' Derek whispered. He kissed me again, all gentleness gone. His tongue entered my mouth, searching, demanding. I wanted his skin against mine and if Derek had read my mind, he ran his hand under my shirt, pushing away my bra and caressing my breast. My fingertips dipped beneath the waistband of Derek's jeans and I felt how his gut tightened. His movement created space so I took advantage and moved lower, gently touching him. Derek groaned and by the time he'd finished stripping off my clothes, I'd already worked the fly on his jeans cupping him. Our movements were frantic. Quick breaths; hands searching, needing, possessing. My mouth was on Derek's, kissing him passionately.

'_Meredith_?'

'Mmm?'

'Slow down.'

'I…I can't…I want you so much.'

Derek smiled and slid off the bed, quickly taking off the rest of his clothes. I watched him eagerly while he stood naked in the shaft of moonlight streaming in through the window.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Derek's POV<em>**

I felt a rush of tenderness rise in my chest and wanted Meredith more than ever before. I wanted to feel her beneath me, around me. I sat down on the bed and trailed my hand to the valley between her small but firm breasts. Immediately, I saw desire flare in her eyes.

'I'm going to make love to you,' I promised her softly.

'You should.' Meredith said quietly as my gaze automatically flicked to her lips. She watched me in fascination as I slowly lowered my head, my mouth creeping closer and closer.

'I love you,' she whispered.

'I love you too.' My heart thudded wildly as my mouth finally zeroed in on hers. I felt how a moan escaped her lips and she arched her back when my hand found her breast. The smell of her skin was intoxicating and the taste of her mouth divine. I softly groaned, my hand tightening against Meredith's breast as I lavished her mouth with sweet, slow kisses that burned my mouth. I wanted to touch her, kiss her all over, touch every inch of her skin and possess every inch of her body. Our passion ignited and our kisses grew hotter, longer, deeper. My mouth left hers and found a nipple. She bucked against me as if a bolt of lightning had coursed through her and she whimpered as my hand traveled down her smooth belly.

'Derek…please,' she begged, grinding her hips against mine.

I chuckled and looked up from her wet nipple. 'No…I'm taking this slow. Like I would have if I'd known you were a virgin.'

Meredith let out a frustrated groan. 'My virginity is long gone. Get over it.'

I grinned at her frustration but my eyes widened as I saw the light that burned in her eyes.

'If you don't make love to me right now…I'm going to scream.'

I smiled when Meredith arched her back and my erection rubbed against her moist core. I held her gaze as I trailed my hand down her belly, delving deeper into her curls and gently parting her. Slowly I inserted a finger into her moist heat and began to thrust. Whimpering, Meredith arched her hips upward silently begging for more. I bent over her and took her erect nipple in my hungry mouth, sucking tenderly, as I inserted a second finger. Almost instantly, Meredith was on fire, moaning in delight as I pushed deeper. With a few twists of my fingers, she came hard and I could feel her clenching around me. I swallowed her soft moans with a kiss as she rode the waves of her lasting climax. _But I wasn't finished with her…_

When she finally quieted, I returned my mouth to her breasts, slowly tasting my way down her body. She writhed beneath me and I loved how she reacted to my ministrations. I slowly ran my hands down her legs, stopping at her toned calves. I grasped her behind the knees, lifting her to me and placing her legs over my shoulders as I took in her most intimate place. I moved forward and kissed her there, the taste of her essence sweet and incredible. I felt the thudding of her heart under my hands as I slowly ran up my tongue to her centered bundle of nerves, slowly swirling around. Meredith gasped as she grabbed hold of my hair, pressing her hips forward as hard as she could and I could feel her tremble as I kept swirling my tongue against her. When I finally withdrew, she looked up at me with a look of utter love; there wasn't an ounce of impatience in her gaze anymore, only desire. Captivated by her entrancing eyes; I cupped her face and kissed her, wedging myself between her legs. Swallowing hard, I slowly pushed my hips forward; her soft folds slowly gave way and I felt her moisture as it spread along my shaft. The sensation of our joining was overwhelming and delightful tingles coursed through my entire body when I focused on the warm wet feeling of Meredith around me. I could feel her entire body below me, her legs wide to accept me, her breasts flattened against my chest, her flat stomach against mine and her pubic hair blending with mine. She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist and the sensation of slowly sliding into her was amazing. The desire to make love was overpowering so I started slow and deep thrusts. Meredith lifted her knees, providing more access as I sank into her over and over again. She met every one of my movements with hers and I watched her intently as our bodies moved together in a rhythm as old as time. Tangling her fingers into my hair, she pulled me to her, begging me to come even closer and I willingly obliged, kissing her passionately. She moaned into my mouth as our tongues met and her sounds of desire became louder as I kissed my way to her neck.

'Ohh…Derek,' Meredith moaned. By the way she trembled beneath me; I knew she was close.

'It's OK…just come for me,' I whispered as I kissed her neck, continuing my torturous rhythm that stoked and sated…stoked and sated. I breathed into her neck, breathing in the essence of our joining as we became locked in the sensations we were creating. I kept thrusting into Meredith, my heart racing as she opened and welcomed me. She arched her back and I felt her muscles clenched around mine, her body shuddering as another orgasm rippled through her. My own teetered on the edge, robbing my sanity and I kissed Meredith's neck, pulsing inside her. Mind-numbing sensations overwhelmed me as my release finally washed over me. Meredith moaned my name, holding onto me as my body shuddered, a flood of sensations and emotions overcoming me.

'Ahh…mmm…Meredith!'

I buried my head against her chest, holding her tight. Meredith sighed satisfyingly, wrapping her arms around me, her chest rising and falling with each labored breath. I watched her as she panted with closed eyes. As she opened them again, a smile curled her lips and she kissed me, her soft green eyes fully relaxed. Outside it started raining and the wind picked up. We both smiled and gazed into each other's eyes.

'I guess…we did OK,' I murmured, pushing sweaty strands of her hair out of the way.

'Not OK…we did excellent,' Meredith nuzzled into my neck. I wrapped my arms around her and as she gazed at me through half-open eyes, she whispered, 'I love you Derek.' I smiled, leaning down and kissing her temple. I didn't need to answer, she could feel my heart reaching out to hers, whispering the same. Meredith closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep, unable to stay awake after our hours of lovemaking. I smiled as I watched her sleep, her head resting against my shoulder. I gently ran my fingers down her face and whispered, '_You are in my heart, Meredith Webber…forever!'_


End file.
